#why am I buying it from a sewer rat

[delphiniumarchangelmoon]

Krobus in fanon: I’m everybody’s best friend I’m just a little guy

Krobus in canon: if your bank account is less than six figures you can’t even afford to look at me. Peasant. I make Pierre look like a little bitch baby. Joja mart cowers before my prices. Give me every penny you made in the last year.

[edibleashell]

TUA S4 feels

Pretty sure that Umbrella Academy S4 finale left a permanent scar on my psyche. Still one of my favorite shows but I might just end after season 3 in future rewatches. So many issues with S4.

In like episode 1 we got Ben and Jennifer touching and that started a countdown to the end of the world and the whole season was just junk to fill that time. So many good ideas that weren't done properly at all. Shuffling their powers? Alternate timelines? Hargreaves owning pretty much everything? Abigail just being alive? Pointless.

Luther was just a repeating loop of stripper and home decorating jokes.

Diego should have been a martial arts instructor or something not a depressed delivery guy. A bunch of jokes about him getting out of shape only to reveal that he's still jacked. He throws a potted plant and misses. His arc is just Big Sad for no reason and the relationships he built in the first three seasons were apparently irrelevant, if anyone would have been taking care of Safety Klaus it would have been him.

Allison's character was just an accessory to Klaus, after three seasons of her trying to reclaim the family she lost she ended up spending more time as a tool to Klaus's arc than she did with Claire. And Ray just being casually written out was so disrespectful.

Klaus, oh poor Klaus, my favorite character, what did they do to you? He should have been a nurse or something but instead he was paranoid, then pissed off because the writers decided that Klaus would equate marigold with drugs and just fall right off the wagon? And then he goes to some sketchy guy he owes money to even though S1 Klaus is shown just buying drugs from random people? All to justify his prisoner plot, none of which had any real impact. And he can fly for a second for some reason. Okay.

Five working for the CIA was bad. He should have been the retired fun uncle to Claire and Grace. After spending fifty years trying to get back to his family why did he keep leaving them? Why did he hook up with his brother's wife after only six years? And am I supposed to believe that in every timeline he has the same haircut? That none of the other Fives lost their arm? How did he never notice his boss's blatant umbrella tattoo? He just casually strolls through "his" apocalypse as though he doesn't have ptsd, and why were he and Lila living off sewer rats when they had infinite timelines to scavenge?

I was so excited to see Ben witg the family but one episode in he becomes a bomb and fucks off with a girl who can hardly be called a character.

Viktor was the only character I thought got some form of authenticity and justified growth, his arc kind of seemed like a ripoff of S3 Klaus though. And we missed out on what could have been a really beautiful scene of him drawing the upside down umbrella on his arm.

Lila went from "I don't want to be like my mom" to a motherhood cliche. And what was the deal with her family? She just found her parents and they immediately accepted her or something? Was there another Lila in this universe? That made no sense. If anyone would have joined the CIA it would have been her. Her and Diego should have been weird parents teaching their kids how to fight and kill but instead they got some domestic life that those characters never belonged in.

And there's so much more! Abigail is alive? Hardly relevant. Why did she body snatched Gene, it didn't really seem to change anything. The Keepers existed only to be a minor obstacle in the last episode. And are her and Reggie aliens? Why? How? What's the point?

AND DURANGO? THAT'S A CAR! Harland named marigold and for a farm kid that makes sense (though the retconned acceptance of that word into Umbrella vocabulary was irksome) But Durango? Abigail is a scientist and she names The Bad Dust after an SUV? Why?

AND WHY WAS THERE ZERO QUEERNESS? Each of the first three seasons had some sort of queer arc but not this one. I still wonder if some higher-up didn't intentionally assassinate the show as backlash for the immense respect S3 gave Elliot Page.

One last thing, music is a big part of the show, they've always put such thought and care into the soundtrack and it makes sense knowing who the creators are, so why, of all songs, was Baby Damn Shark the first song to be featured in like three episodes? It seems intentionally disrespectful.

I'm done, rant over, I'll never recover from this.

[chil-aglia]

𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐝𝐞 |ROTTMNT| (Leo X Male OC)

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐞

Finally caught up with the story now, since quotev is so up to this chapter

This gonna be long one guys...

BUT YOU FINALLY YOU GET TO SEE MY OTHER OC FOR THIS STORY! (Picture above is what he looks)

He’s gonna be pretty important in the story and spice things up, so I hope you all enjoy him!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If someone were to tell Adriaen that he’d be spending his day in the turtle tank, while he, Donnie and Leo watch out for Raph who was in the hippo costume going out to buy Splinter a new robe, he’d think you're crazy.

Well, guess what? That’s exactly what he was doing. Currently sitting on his seat in the turtle tank as Leo was using the periscope to survey the area and direct Raph around, helping him not bump into people.

"What’s the word? Am I clear?"

"Looks bueño from here. You are go for 'Operation: Let’s Hope Raph Comes Back Alive.'" Leo informs with a soft smirk, Adriaen lightly glared at the red slider at his little comment.

”Seriously? You’re calling it that?”

”Why not? It’s true isn’t it.”

Raph shouted in the earpiece, his voice echoing throughout the tank which had the others cover their ears.

“Would you stop calling it that?”

Donnie sighs as he changed the subject, smiling in excitement, “A first ever exploratory expedition in daylight! They are gonna name sewers after you, pal.” He praises, eagerly shifting his weight on his seat at the thought of this mission in daytime.

“I fit right in with all the mascots. This hippo suit works great in Times Square!”

“Totally, but for the record, I still think my trench coat idea would’ve worked.”

Adriaen scoffs at Mikey’s comment, shaking his head at him. “You gotta stop watching those movies.” He deadpans, in response Mikey stuck his tongue out at him in protest. Using the periscope, Leo spies on the clothing store, speaking up with a smirk plastered on his face. “Ho-ho! There’s the store.” He pointed out, which was immediately added onto from Mikey who slightly yells in the earpiece at Raph.

“Go get Splinter’s birthday gift. Our eyes depend on it!"

Adriaen sweats as he recalled a few days ago of the…sight.

It had been a regular day, the turtles spending their moments watching TV since Splinter was doing something else. Adriaen was sitting in the chair where Splinter normally sat, Leo was purposely riling up the black masked turtle by laying across his lap, feet hanging in the air as he poked Adriaen’s arm.

Splinter appears, the group unaware of his presence, his red robe being as dirty and tattered as ever, “Time for today’s training. It’s a little drafty." He announces to the others, catching their attention as he scratched his rear end.

The boys turn their attention away from the TV and over to Splinter, being instantly met with the horror of the grubby looking rat.

All five letting out a series of being disgusted at the sight.

“Oh, no!"

"My eyes!"

"That mole is growing a mole." Donnie whispered in fascination but also in utter horror, Leo shakes his head and turns to his brothers and Adriaen, “We gotta get him a new robe." He stated and for once Adriaen agrees with him.

”No kidding. I might actually get sick from looking at him.”

Splinter grunts, clapping his hands together to get their attentions once more, unaware of what they were even saying. “Who’s up for jumping jacks?" He announces before jumping up and down which only had the turtles scream in horror.

Adriaen shuddered at the memory, shaking his head to focus back on the present, which was to help Raph and keep an eye out for him.

“Steady as she goes...old man on your right. Kid on your left. He’s got peanut butter ice cream.” 

Donnie gasps before calming down, quickly instructing Raph. “Oh no! Your allergies! Evasive Maneuver! Evasive Maneuver!” He says, as the large mutant turtle in the hippo costume quickly dodges around the ice cream boy and then re-balances himself with a sigh of relief.

“Close one.”

Raphael looks around at all the humans who are none the wiser.

“Oh, man. This is crazy cool. First turtle to ever skate through a crowd totally unnoticed. And his name is Raph.” 

Adriaen cleared his throat as he leaned forward slightly, “Raph, focus back on the mission.” He refocuses him, sure he could understand why Raph would get distracted by all this, but Adriaen didn’t want any unnecessary trouble happening.

DING

Adriaen perked up slightly at the sound of the notification appearing on a panel in front of Donnie who blinks, “Video text from April.” He stated, instinctively opening the video as it shows a gif of a cartoon hippo with a turtle face wearing a red bandana, pooping chocolate chip cookies on a rainbow.

The video earned a smile and slight chuckle from the boys.

"April’s memes are so lit!" Mikey laughs, Donnie nodding in agreement as he leans back into his seat. “You know, I bet you think I wouldn’t like cookies coming out of butts, but it turns out I do.” He concluded, causing a little laugh to escape his lips. Adriaen smiled lightly, it wasn’t because of the video itself, he just found it rather fitting considering their own red masked turtle was in a hippo suit currently.

Its like she’s a mind reader.

Leo went back to keeping an eye out on Raph who had bumped into a smiling man but nothing major happened, Raph apologised, and the creepy guy went on his way.

"You got this, bud. Now go get that robe, our night terrors end today."

“Yes!”

Raph puts a hand in his hippo costume pocket and finds nothing, he checks all his pockets frantically, mumbling to himself in a panic.

"What? No, no, no. My wallet. My wallet!”

Raph quietly yelps and then politely starts asking passing tourists, “Excuse me. Have you seen my wallet? There’s a skull on it and a teddy bear Town Frequent buyer card inside.” He explains and have the details of his lost wallet, Donnie widens his eyes and looked to everyone to see if they heard it too.

“Did he just say he lost his wallet?”

Raph was quick to shut down Donnie comment, obviously fibbing. “No!” He yells before whimpering lightly as he whispers to the passing humans.

”Have you seen my lost money?”

Leo, Adriaen, Donnie and Mikey all speak over each other on the radio, all equally annoyed and frustrated with Raph at him losing their money.

“You did lose it!”

“Oh, no...”

”Raph, I put in $40 to help get Splinter a robe. You did not just lose that.” Adriaen hissed, and rightfully he has a reason to be annoyed, that money was something he’s been saving in case he found anything for himself. Leo sighs in annoyance, quickly interrupting everyone as he glared towards Raph who naturally couldn’t see him anyway. “Well, you better find it.” Leo ordered which obvious had Raph panicking quietly.

“Why does a hippo have pockets?”

“Do not tell me you lost it in the lair.”

Leo was once again quick to slightly calm down the rising tension, speaking to Raphael over the radio, “Where’s the last place you had it?” He asked, but Raph who had been listening to their complaints groans and got overwhelmed.

“Stop talking! Stop talking!”

Raph had tried to run away only to bump into a man and fall down, causing Raph’s hippo mascot head to fall off. All of the humans take notice of a mask-less Raph down on the ground.

The four other turtles inside the tank who has witnessed the scene from the window all gave out a fearful yell.

“Ah!”

Mikey shook Adriaen’s shoulder, chanting to him repeatedly in a state of disbelief. “Start the tank! Start the tank!” He begs, Adriaen sweating as he lightly pushed Mikey off him, “I can’t start the tank I’m not the driver.” He stated, after all it was Leo who was in the driver's seat this time.

Raph is frozen in terror as all the humans stare down at him.

“Uh…uh…”

A woman holding a baby stare at Raph, and then smiles, catching him and the others off guard as the lady praises Raph instead. “Your costume! It’s great! You’re the turtlepotamus meme, right?” She inquired, which earned a sigh of relief from the four turtles inside the tank.

Raph was also relieved but now he was just confused by what she meant by meme. “What meme? I mean, yes, meme. Yes, meme. Yes, that meme.” He nods, obviously not understanding.

He jumps back up to his feet, leaning forward slightly in puzzlement, “Which meme, now?” He asks once again where everyone points at the Times Square screens that show a hippo turtle meme that looks conveniently like Raph exactly as he is right now.

“Yes! I’m that. There’s nothing else in the world I could possibly be.”

“You’re the best and cleanest Times Square mascot I have ever seen. Here’s my baby! He loves memes!” The woman suddenly my handed her baby into Raph’s giant hands, before he could even register what was happening the woman then took a picture of him and her baby and trades him a five-dollar bill for the baby.

”Did she just…pay Raph for a picture?” Adriaen uttered to the others who were also a little shocked, until Leo smirks at an idea brewing in his head. “That gives me an amazing and genius idea.” He proudly claims before he heard Raph‘s voice over the radio.

“Uh, Ma’am? You misplaced your five dollar bill directly into my palm.”

Clearing his throat for a brief moment, Leo quickly responded to the confused Raph and started his little mission on retrieving the money that Raphael had lost.

“Roll with it, bud. She’s paying you for the picture. Keep working the crowd and maybe you can get back all of our money you lost.”

“Allegedly lost.”

Adriaen crossed his arms and deadpans at Raph who was still defending himself about the lost money. Adriaen rolled his eyes and glanced at Donnie and Mikey. “He totally lost it.” He stated which the two other turtles nodded in agreement.

And so, Raph began earning cash by working the crowd, taking pictures and signing autographs. At first it was crazy, actually no, it was crazy. But it was working as each moment passed the hippo headpiece slowly gets filled with money as Leo, Mikey, Adriaen and Donnie watch from the tank and keep track of the earnings. Raph begins to draw attention away from the other mascots, which no doubt was making them annoyed.

After what felt like a very long time of collecting the money, Raph decided to make an announcement, holding up a kid on his shoulder as he draws in nearby people.

“Hear ye, hear ye, people of Times Square! The most famous turtle hippo in the world is available for pictures and quinceañeras.”

That’s certainly one way to get attention.

Suddenly another mascot appeared, one that was dressed as Atomic Lass, a character that Donnie was obsessed with as a child and no doubt still is. Adriaen could remember the times Donnie would just rant on and on about the character.

“I can’t believe you guys are falling for this hack! Memes come and go, but we’ve always been here for you...for a small fee.”

The crowd looks less than enthused about Atomic Lass in which Raph chuckles smugly. 

“Hm. Let’s show these newbies how we roll.” Atomic Lass calls out to the other mascots who suddenly all snap their fingers and approach Raph, singing as well.

Robot Vampire singing in a Transylvanian accent approaches Raph. “If you wanna make friends you got to know your place.” She had sung, but since it was a little hard to watch from the tank through the window since they were quite far away, Donnie dashes to the tank’s periscope and shoves his head next to Leo’s to watch through the periscope.

“My hero, Atomic Lass, may be about to sing.”

”Seriously? That’s what you wanted to see?” Adriaen raised his imaginary eyebrow at Donnie before looking away and squinting his eyes at the front window to watch Raph and these mascots.

The old mascots are dancing threateningly around Raph and steal the hippo head full of cash from his hands.

Joey the junkyard dog mascot got around Raphael, singing as Raph tried to keep his eyes on him.

“Don’t step on people’s parts or they’ll get into your face.”

“That’s not neighborly— ”

Raph was shoved from behind, even Adriaen was a little bewildered at what he was witnessing. Were the mascots really trying to humiliate Raph?

“If you do what we tell you then you’re gonna be fine!” Atomic Lass danced over to him, as Raph couldn’t help but glare warningly at her and the others.

“You really don’t want to mess with me.”

He gets hit in the knee with a crowbar from the Joey mascot. Forcing him kneel on the ground in pain.

“Ow!"

The Sergeant mascot threatens Raph with his beak held under Raph’s throat.

“Or else there’ll be an oopsie and I’ll break your spine.”

Adriaen who had seen enough stood up from his seat, eyes narrowed slightly as he looks to the others. “There’s no way we’re going to let Raph get humiliated like this.” He noted, if it was one thing that could easily rile up Adriaen, it’s when the four brothers were in trouble or threatened.

Leo steps away from the periscope and scowls, nodding his head in agreement.

“Yeah, nobody messes with Raph like that! Except for us. Suit up!"

Upon his words he, Mikey and Donnie put on their disguises which was really just terribly made pieces of alien clothing to make it seemed like they were cosplaying. Adriaen didn’t really want to dress up, but Donnie and Leo had forced him to wear something to look the part when they first created their disguises.

All Adriaen wore was a dark grey belt across his lower half, much similar to Leo’s belt but with an alien symbol that Mikey painted on.

"Time to teach those creeps a lesson and earn the money back for pop’s gift. And we’re gonna do it Jupiter Jim style.” Leo announces confidently, pressing the button on the side as the tank's doorway opens. Leo wears his fanny pack, Donnie wears his alien antennas and goggles and hovers with the rotors on his Battle shell, and Mikey wears his shades and homemade fishbowl helmet. And Adriaen…with a simple grey belt, looking rather unimpressed and arms crossed. He didn’t see the need for an alien disguise, didn’t they all look alien enough?

“I can’t even recognise myself!” Mikey squeals in excitement, as he turns to Adriaen and while it was only one thing he wore, Mikey still praised him. “Wow! You look awesome Adri!” He compliments while the latter just stared at him.

”It’s literally just a belt.”

”An awesome one.”

Before anything else was exchanged between the two, Leo stepped forward to lead the charge. Adriaen had noticed that while Leo never thought he would be all leader like, he did always step up when Raph wasn’t always with them, and even if he was, Leo still somehow at times took charge or hyped up everyone.

“Jupiter Jim turtle aliens, ahoy!”

“Let’s go!”

“Yes, to all of that!”

”Don’t call me a Jupiter Jim alien—“

One by one they race off to get to Raph’s side, not before Donnie comes back and closes the tank's door via remote, whistling as he waits for it to slowly close, when it was closed Donnie quickly caught up to the others.

Adriaen noticed that the old mascots were playing keep-away with the hippo head full of cash while Raph was trying to get it back.

“Remember to tip Robot Vampire or she’ll suck your blood.”

The mascots work together to knock Raph over onto his back. The Sergent mascot leans over and threatens Raph in a low voice.

“And we’ll spill yours if you ever invade our turf again, ya puke.”

Adriaen scoffs before being the first to leap up and jump on a mascots head, it being Joey the junkyard dog and landing behind Raph. The other three copy Adriaen and they too landed behind Raph.

“Ah! What the-?!”

“Jupiter Jim’s turtle aliens flying in to rescue one of our own.” Leo announces, as Adriaen tried not to cringe internally at such a horrible statement.

“Yeah!”

Donnie was far more focused on a certain mascot, Atomic Lass, being delighted as he stared at her. “I can’t believe I'm close to my childhood idol, Atomic Lass!” He squeals out like the obsessed fan he is. This earned him glares from the others in which Donnie realised what was happening and awkwardly smiled. “Oh right. Bad guys. Yeah, I’m on it.” He assures before focusing his attention back onto the matter at hand.

The Sergeant mascot humphs before glancing back at the other old mascots. “Show these folks how we mascot downtown, Robot Vampire.” He encouraged, watching as the old mascots and the turtles square off in Times Square surrounded by an interested crowd. 

Robot Vampire rolls forward and activates the stereo installed in her body. Music starts blasting before Joey leaps forward and break dances, spinning his legs around and lands on his feet, poses with his arms crossed.

Hold on…a dance battle?

While it did take a moment for them to register what was happening, Raph chuckled confidently and gazed over at Mikey. “Mikey?” He prompted, in which Mikey prompted back in confidence as well.

“Donnie?”

“Activate music mode." Donnie responded as his battle shell ejects its top layer, transforming into a DJ station, and it flies over and hovers in front of Mikey. Mikey placed his fingers on the device and began to play his own music. 

“Are we seriously doing this?” Adriaen questioned to no one in particular, Leo smirking and chuckling as he had his ōdachi sword on his shoulder, bouncing his head lightly to the beat of the music Mikey plays for him.

”Oh you know it. Keep your eyes on me Adri, I’m about to wipe the floor with this dog.”

Leo takes to the floor to answer the dance off challenge, doing some break dancing and fast footwork. Adriaen kept his eyes on the situation in front of him. He wasn’t entirely worried about Leo, he knew that the blue masked red slider was an excellent dancer, he’s seen him break dance and do all sorts of tricks in the lair.

“Time to go to obedience school.” Leo sasses to Joey the junkyard dog who growls lightly at him.

“Not fair, bringin’ a sword to a chain fight.”

Joey pulls out a long brutal chain and whips it at Leo who had shifted left to right, dodging the chains with his dance moves and chopping the chain shorter and shorter with his ōdachi.

“Now who’s a bad boy?”

Leo grabs what’s left of the chain and throws Joey across the square and into a food cart.

“You are.”

Adriaen couldn’t help but grin at Leo’s confidence, Adriaen was no dancer like Leo but even he felt a little hyped up.

Atomic Lass goes next, doing hip-hop moves and shocking Leo with a hip pose, causing him to be too stunned to respond. But of course, Donnie leaps in, surfing into the fray on his rocket activated tech-bō.

“Outta the way! I get to dance with her.”

Donnie lands and puts his weapon away and starts dancing next to Atomic Lass. “Comin' at ya!” He commented before gesturing for Atomic Lass to dance. After Atomic Lass does some of her own moves, Donnie takes her hand and dances around with his idol. He dips her which honestly had Adriaen face palm.

“Any chance you and Atomic Lad are Splitsville?”

Some teenage girls squeal and faint at Donnie’s rare charm while Atomic Lass chuckles. Donnie is suddenly body-checked by the Sergeant and is sent flying, landing on his face. 

The Sergeant starts country stepping, switching up the styles of dances. 

“You dance as good as you cosplay, son!”

“Hey! Dance-pick on somebody your own size.” Raph stepped in dancing around in his hippo suit and dance like his brothers.

“Whoo!”

Adriaen felt…a bit out of place with this crazy little “battle”. He wasn’t as good as the others; he was stiff and awkward. It was probably one of the rare times he wasn’t entirely good at something. Atomic Lass decides to take it up a notch, as the Sergeant and Joey flip in unison, land and dab while the Atomic Lass mascot jumps in front, spins and walks in place to the techno beat.

The turtles were both impressed and dismayed at the display. “Oh…” They all mumbled, watching as Atomic Lass finished with a pose.

“Bring it, ya puke!” The Sergeant mascot challenges. Before Adriaen could just ask the guys if they could just take the money Raph earned and go, he was dragged into a huddle up. They smirk and come up with a quick plan. “Okay Mikey you still have some smoke bombs, right?” Leo inquired, earning a nod from Mikey. “Okay, Donnie, think you can hook up the screens in Times Square to play…I don’t know how about that turtle hippo meme?” Leo gazed to Donnie who gave a thumbs up. “Scoff. Of course I can.” He smirks in pride.

“Good, Raph and Adriaen you follow my lead.”

Raph nodded with Trudy in his brother as Adriaen seemed hesitant, “Uh Leo…” He mumbled but didn’t get a chance to put his input in as they all got out of the huddle and press their backs together. Mikey throws a smoke bomb, and they all disappear. 

All of the screens in Times Square suddenly glitch and then turn into the turtlepotamus meme. In a blink of an eye the turtles reappear on a catwalk in front of the biggest screen and get into formation for their out of the blue choreographed dance. 

Adriaen was a little slow, but he tried to copy and keep up, stomping his feet and rolling his arms. The crowd roars and puts more money in the hippo head riding around on Donnie's drone, which is making rounds. Leo noticed how uncomfortable and awkward Adriaen looked so he grabbed his hand assuringly and jumped down together with him once they finished their dance. The turtles landed back on the ground and look up in triumph. Donnie taps on his gauntlet and retrieves the drone and the cash.

Leo grins, still holding Adriaen’s hand who didn’t seem to mind all that much. In fact, it sort of eased the tension Adriaen felt earlier in him. 

“Oh-ho-ho! It has been ‘broughten.’ Now, let’s go get dad’s robe.” Raph concluded, thinking this was all finally over. I mean it was obvious the turtles had won the dance off, so they turn around and began walking off.

Atomic Lass throws her surprisingly heavy hammer at Donnie with a snarl.

“Give us the green, Green!”

Donnie had managed to duck, and the hammer strikes a statue and lodges there, Adriaen quickly slipped out of Leo’s hold to focus on the fight as Atomic Lass rushes Donnie who uses his tech-bō to keep her from grabbing him as they tussle. A button is accidentally pressed, and one end of his staff morphs into a small rocket engine which blasts Atomic Lass away. 

Donnie loses control of his weapon.

“Sorry! Gah! Run!”

The tech-bō rockets away as Donnie tries to grab it, but it hits Atomic Lass in the head, causing her Mascot head to fly off and her headless body collapses on the ground.

Donnie recoils and panicked. “Oh, no! No, no...” He uttered as Mikey freaked out beside him. “Oh, me gosh! You knocked that lady’s head clean off!” He stated as Adriaen narrowed his eyes at the mascot on the floor. He was about to step forward to check if she was actually dead, but he didn’t need to when she stood up and then a head pops from the neck hole. Atomic Lass being the creepy bearded man Raph had bumped into earlier.

“You!”

The hammer lodged in the stone statue starts to spark as something shorts, it opens up, dropping valuables and wallets, including Raph's. 

“You stole my wallet! It better still have my Teddy Bear Town— ”

The Sergeant Woodpecker mascot starts pecking at Raph’s hands when he reaches out for the loot.

“Hey! Alright, let’s see what your ugly mug looks like!”

Raph glares before he fights Sergeant swiftly knocking his costume head off with his tonfā. The Sergeant stands headless for a second, then a massive ugly cockroach head appears, screeching. 

“Didn’t see that one coming.” Adriaen mumbles, bewildered as Raphael yelps and more roach heads pop out from the other mascot's heads. 

They had all been mutant roaches, screeching menacingly which caused the human crowd to scream and flee the square.

“Metamorphosis! That took an unexpected left turn!” Donnie announced in shock as well, blinking ahead. Atomic Creepy Man comes up behind Donnie and Mikey, who turn just in time to see the creepy man mask to be shredded by the roach underneath, which screeches at them as well. 

All the mutants stand around in the square.

“You thought you were the only mutants in New York?!” The Sergeant roach mascot exclaims at the turtles who were still processing everything.

“Look, all we wanted was a little money to buy our pops a gift!”

“Boo hoo! Tell it to one of your teddy bears.”

The Sergeant rips up Raph’s customer loyalty card and blows the pieces into Raph’s face, Adriaen widens his eyes when he knew that Raph was going to snap.

”Uh oh.”

"Don’t you dare make fun of Dr. Huggenstein, Captain Snuggles or Cheech!"

And just like that. He snapped.

Raphael winds up and hits Sergeant Roach across the square with his tonfā. Mikey quickly jumps forward, grabbing his brothers and Adriaen’s attention.

“Let’s get everybody their money back!”

Donnie lands next to him, spinning his tech-bō, and Mikey and Donnie start fighting alongside Raph. Leo and Adriaen stood from the sides, but they too were attacked when Joey kicks Leo into a gyro stand. “Leo!” Adriaen called out before turning his attention onto the roach, he couldn’t help but smirk.

“I may not be a dancer…”

He took out his kama’s and threw one at Joey, who dodged and laughed at the fact Adriaen missed, but with a simple flick of his finger, the kama rotated in mid-air and flew back towards Adriaen, it went pass Joey who gasped in surprise, especially when the blade of the kama cut his cheek.

Adriaen caught his kama with his free hand and pointed it at Joey.

”…but I’m very good at fighting.”

Joey growls and charged ahead at Adriaen who got into a defensive stance, but he didn’t need to do anything when Leo jumped in front of him with sauce from the gyro cart and quickly squirted them into Joey’s eyes. 

“Paws off, bug guy!”

Joey flails at the sensation of the sauces, chasing Leo around until Leo kicks him in the chest and takes him down.

“Lame!” Leo triumphantly calls out, Adriaen walks over, weapons in hand still. “Thanks for the save.” He muses lightly, Leo smiling at his praise with a thumbs up. Adriaen looked behind himself when he heard Donnie fighting Atomic Lass���or he should say Atomic Roach. 

Donatello sends a verbal command to his tech, “Spider shell engage!” He announces as the back at the Turtle Tank his spider battle shell engages and launches to home in on Donnie. 

Donnie turns and releases his current battle shell with a blast, hitting Atomic Roach in the chest with it and sending her flying. Donnie leaps up in the air as the spider battle shell arrives and attaches over his soft shell. He quickly leaps to the opposite end of Times Square and squares off with Atomic Roach, the four telescoping arms in his battle shell extending out to their max. 

Where does he find the time to make those sorts of things?

Unimpressed, Atomic Roach sprouts six much more impressive arms from her body, stealing Donnie’s thunder. 

Meanwhile, Mikey is fighting Robot Roach, riding around on Donnie’s hovering DJ station. Leaping forward and kicking Robot Roach in the head, as he then uses his kusari-fundō to hit her more.

“You give robot vampire cockroaches a bad name! Cowabunga!”

Mikey wraps his weapon around her like a whip and swings the roach around until she's flung into one of the giant screens in Times Square, smashing it. Adriaen witnessed Donnie climbing past Robot Roach on the screen with his Spider battle shell as Atomic Roach chases after him, to which had Donnie dodging angrily.

“You’re ruining my childhood fantasy of the two of us fighting crime together with Uranium Bill!”

Adriaen hums as he glanced down at his own weapons before throwing them towards Atomic Roach who at this point was going to knock off Donnie.

But thanks to the kama’s, she didn’t get a chance too, being sliced by the kama’s who fly around her, going in and out of the way while Donnie used the distraction to get a few hits of his own.

This is difficult than it looks…

He was sweating, using his hands to control his weapons but they were still so new to him. He didn’t have the time to practice with them and when he did, it didn’t last long with the brothers causing some kind of chaos, and he got dragged into it.

He couldn’t handle any more, feeling his energy slowing down as he calls back his weapons to his grasp with a flick of his wrist going inwards towards himself, catching them when they landed on his palms. ”Whoa! Nicely done Adri!” Leo praised with awe at what he saw, he never say this out loud, or at least to Adriaen’s face, but seeing him use the kama’s, despite not getting the full hang of them just yet was still attractive for Leo.

I think I just fell in love. Again.

Atomic Roach knocks Donnie off the screen and onto a catwalk. She attempts to attack him, but Donnie blocks her with his tech-bō.

“You’ve left me no choice. But we’ll always have Times Square.”

Donnie pushes a button on his weapon that activates a jumbo-sized bug zapper and blasts Atomic Roach away, causing her to screech and crash land on a shopping cart. Meanwhile, Sergeant Roach runs past holding the hippo head stuffed with Raph's hard-earned cash.

“Hey! The creep’s got our money!” Leo yells, focusing back on the issue at hand, but not to worry as Raph whacks Sergeant Roach in the head with his tonfā, sending the mutant flying into his compatriots. The red masked snapping turtle retrieves their money, holding up the hippo head full of cash as he poses over the pile of knocked out Roaches.

“Boom! Thank you, Times Square!”

The brothers cheer and clap, Adriaen crossing his arms comfortably and in relief that they got the money back, now they can finally get that robe for Splinter.

”Well done. Quite impressive.”

They froze at the sudden voice, it was new. They hadn’t heard of it before, so naturally they all gather together and look around for a sign of this unfamiliar voice.

”Not to mention those weapons of yours are something else entirely.” 

Footsteps.

Adriaen narrowed his eyes ahead, shadows of the buildings blocking his view of the stranger who got closer and closer before stepping out into the open.

What they all saw, shocked them all.

”No way…” Donnie widens his eyes, as Mikey quips in, poking his head in between Leo and Adriaen as he gasps.

”A…another turtle?!”

He was correct. The stranger standing before everyone was another mutant turtle, much like them. With dark green skin, but not too dark, a pale shade of off-white for his plastron and a brown colour on his shell.

The stranger also had light grey splotches on his shoulders and legs, he also wore a mask. Similar to the others, his mask being grey with long tails, like Leo’s and Adriaen’s. Adding to his appearing he had on a pair of long dark grey fingerless gloves and the socks on his legs having a matching scheme, reaching just below his knee. The sock lacks coverage on his ankle and toe as well.

This turtle also had a light grey belt that has two straps both going in the same direction, perched on the left of his shoulder.

But his eyes…that’s what Adriaen noticed the most out his appearance. They were an eye-catching golden colour, staring right into their souls.

With a calming smirk, the other turtle raised his hand up and began to speak once more. “I see I’ve shocked you with my sudden appearance. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ronin, and just like you, I’m a mutant turtle.” He stated with a smile, it was strange for Adriaen to witness.

”I was going on about my day when I saw a commotion in Times Square. To my surprise, I see the five of you fighting against….” 

He paused and glanced over at the pile of unconscious roaches in mascot costumes.

”Those things.”

He shakes his head and turns his attention back to the others. “Crazy, isn’t it?” He muses with a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. He heard groaning and once again looked back at the roaches, they were gaining consciousness. He hums and pulls out a pocket watch. ”Hold on a second guys.” He says, before they all witness the watch glow and emit out some kind of green light. In seconds the world seemed to just…stop.

”Whoa! What did you do?! Everyone is not moving.” Mikey exclaims, Donnie tilting his head in fascination.

”What did you do?”

“Easy. I stopped time with this.” Ronin showed them the pocket watch, the turtles all leaning forward to get a better look at it. “You stopped time with this? How is that even possible?” Raph raised his eyes in confusion, Ronin giving a light chuckle at their puzzled looks and questions.

”It’s a mystical watch. With this I’m able to pause time for however long I want. However, downside is that it’s only a one-time use, once I unfreeze time, this watch will be useless to me.”

”How’d you get this in the first place?” Leo wondered, sounding a little suspicious of Ronin. “From the Hidden City. They have all kinds of stuff there.” He bluntly told, putting the watch away. Adriaen had enough of this, he was observing Ronin this whole time and he just couldn’t shake off an eerie feeling from him, he stepped forward, having his attention.

”What is it that you want from us?”

”Oh? You don’t sound so trusting of me.”

Leo was quick to Adriaen’s side, narrowing his eyes at the stranger who appeared out from the shadows.

”Can you blame him? You came up to us all creepy like from the shadows and stopped time. I’m not so trusting of you either.”

Ronin blinks before sighing as he relaxed his muscles. “Fine, fine. I’ll reintroduce myself then.” He assures, smirking as he narrowed his eyes at the group.

”My names Ronin. And I was hired to keep my eyes on you.”

Raph blinks and tilted his head at the comment, “Hired? By who?” He inquired but Ronin shook his head at him, waving his finger mockingly.

”Sorry, can’t say. Against policy.”

”There’s a policy for that?” Adriaen mumbles, causing Ronin to smile at him as he then exhales out. “Even so…my client didn’t say anything about not fighting you.” He threatens, his smile widening a bit as he charged at the turtles with incredible speed. Adriaen didn’t even see him take out his sword before swinging down on them.

It was almost too fast for them to keep up with, but Leo being the fastest of the five got in front and blocked with his ōdachi. He grunted at the impact he felt from the blades, his shoulders and legs shaking to hold him still as Ronin chuckled, not looking to be affected as he pressed his sword down onto Leo’s ōdachi more.

“Not bad. But could be better.”

Leo glares at him and managed to actually shove him back away from the group. Ronin slides back, using his feet to balance himself from not falling, in the seconds he was recovering from the shove, the gang quickly ran in with weapons out to attack.

”Well this isn’t fair. Five against one?” He muses, easily dodging and parrying their attacks, he managed to pick them off one by one, kicking at their chests and sending them back.

Adriaen recovered quickly and ran back in, kama’s in hand as he swipes left and right at Ronin who grins and steps back to dodge the blades coming his way. He jumps up onto the catwalk that the turtles were on earlier doing their little final dance. Adriaen followed pursuit of Ronin, their blades clashing together. 

Ronin jumps up in the air and comes down at Adriaen who blocked his sword, using his kama’s in an ‘X’ position. The two struggled against each other, both pushing their weight against their clashed blades to see who would falter first.

”You aren’t so bad compared to them. Handsome and skilled. What a pretty combination.”

Ronin was flirting with Adriaen who was taken back by his sudden choice of words. Seeing the moment he was caught off guard, Ronin swiftly used his foot and tripped Adriaen down, making the latter grunt when he fell back, dropping his kama’s that fell down to ground level.

He didn’t have time to get up as Ronin had pinned him down, using his knee to apply pressure onto Adriaen’s chest who struggled against his weight.

He’s clearly a skilled fighter. And stronger than he appears to be…

”You know cutie. You and I are quite alike.”

Adriaen narrowed his gaze at Ronin, “We’re nothing alike.” He snaps but Ronin didn’t seem to care as he leans down closer to him, whispering in his ear.

”Really? Cause I know where you and the others come from. You did pay a visit to Baron Draxum sometime a go, right?”

Adriaen froze in stunned silence. His eyes wide and staring right at Ronin who leans back and smirked down at him, still pinning him down, not that Adriaen was even fighting back against him anymore.

”How do you—“

Before Adriaen could even start his interrogation, he was interrupted when Leo jumps up and swung his sword at Ronin. 

“Get away from him!”

Ronin quickly jumps back, letting Adriaen free as he used his sword to block the attacks from Leo, who was protecting Adriaen. Leo and Ronin have a little sword fight, Adriaen sat up and watched the two go at it, he was even more surprised when Leo managed to make Ronin lose his sword as the sword was on the ground level far away.

Ronin however was more amused than worried as he cheekily praised Leo for his sword and its abilities. Leo aiming his ōdachi at Ronin who mockingly claps.

“Not bad, not bad at all. Since you showed me your power…I’ll show you mine.”

Both Adriaen and Leo were stunned when Ronin had all of a sudden, manifested his sword out of thin air and attack Leo, easily taking him down. 

He’s got a mystical weapon too?! Not only that, but it also seems he can make the weapon appear in his hands any time…

The turtles all re-group and glare at Ronin who stared at them before putting his sword away. The weapon going into the sleeve on his back as he jumps up, using the buildings to swiftly climb his way up and onto a rooftop. “I’ve seen what I needed to see. Let’s all catch up again soon yeah? Oh, and see ya later handsome.” He winks at Adriaen which Leo wasn’t pleased with, letting out a low growl of annoyance, but before anyone could do anything, Ronin threw down a smoke bomb and he vanished away. Time reverting back to normal. 

“Just who was that guy?” Mikey asked no one in particular, Raph hums in thought, “I don’t know. But man, he was so cool!” He smiled, Donnie nodding along.

”He is way more advanced in fighting than us.”

Leo scoffs, putting away his ōdachi and crossing his arms with a roll of his eyes. “Please, did you see the way I knocked his sword away? He wasn’t that good, right Adri?” He smirks in pride, side eyeing Adriaen who walked away and picked up his kama’s that he dropped earlier.

His mind was elsewhere however.

He knows our origin? Does that mean he knows what I am? Why Draxum called me a failed experiment?

Leo had walked over and placed a hand on Adriaen’s shoulder, who lightly gasped and turns to Leo when he realised, he wasn’t listening.

”Huh? What’s up?”

Leo softens his gaze in concern, “Are you okay? That creep didn’t do anything did he?” He interrogated worriedly, but Adriaen shook his head in assurance.

”I’m fine. Just surprised there’s another mutant turtle running about.”

Raph and the others walked over, “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about Ronin. But right now, let’s go get that robe for pops.” He changed the subject, which worked as the others nod and they quickly rush off to the nearest store.

After finally picking a robe out, they head back home to the lair, Mikey bringing Splinter to the main room where Splinter saw the boys crowding around.

Raphael presents the gift to Splinter as Leo, Adriaen, Mikey and Donnie stand behind him.

“What is this?”

Splinter opens it to reveal a brand-new brown robe, it was sleek and looked mighty comfortable.

“My sons. And Adriaen of course. You honour me. The silky smoothness against my fur, unparalleled. It is really exquisite. I will save it for the most special occasions.” 

“What?” The turtles all say in unison, confused as they see Splinter put away the new robe back into the box, settling it down. Splinter starts hopping, still in his tattered dirty red robe, “Now who’s up for training? As luck would have it, I’m already in my jumping jack robe.” He muses, turning around with his underwear exposed.

The five mutant turtles look horrified, Mikey hugging the nearest person there was. Adriaen, and wails.

"My eyes!"

Adriaen sighs and looks away; he tried to forget about the Ronin encounter, but he just couldn’t.

Who are you Ronin? 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I APOLOGISE FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES THAT WERE MADE, I TYPE REALLY FAST AND OFTEN DON'T SEE THEM UNTIL I ACTUALLY PUBLISH THE CHAPTER.   

BAM! WHAT DO WE THINK OF RONIN?!

AND YOU GUYS GET TO SEE LEO BEING A PROTECTIVE FUTURE BF—

First Chapter here

Next Chapter here

[random-things-of-mine]

𝘎𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶

Butcher Wally x GN Reader

- - - - -

"I want to say this in the nicest way possible but there is only so much that can be said to sugarcoat it."

"And what is it my sweet friend~"

Butcher was hovering over them with one of his weird smiles, there was blood dripping off his gloves creating stains on Y/n's clothes.

They where inside the butcher shop, the human had decided to pay the menacing puppet a visit.

Considering they where his friend... his only friend. 

The only one unafraid to be in his presence.

They knew he cared to much about them to lose them, so they often could get away with saying anything. Even things that would normally provoke or trigger him.

"You smell rancid. Like a rat that just crawled out of the sewers."

"Why you little sh-"

Was it smart to start drama with the most feared person in the town? Absolutely not. 

But it was also your entertainment.

They swatted his hand away, groaning in annoyance as they saw the red spots on their now ruined shirt.

"I'm expecting you to pay up for this."

"Don't you think I deserve a apology first for that rude remark you made just now."

His former friendly facade had quickly turned sour. He let out a dark chuckle as he leaned closer, with each ince he got closer, the worse the stench was that came from him.

Working with corpses and carcasses of dead animals was not doing him any favors. 

A few days later Y/n returned to the butcher shop holding out a package for Butcher.

"I got you a gift."

"Aww sweet friend you shouldn't have." He grins.

He opens the package his smile quickly disappearing as he sees his 'gift'. It's a basket with hygiëne products like shampoo, body lotion, toothpaste etc.

He looks at them, confused, even upset. "Why would you need to buy me this? I don't need any of that nonsense, I'm perfectly fine how I am~" He was genuinely offended they thought he needed any of this.

It's a unnecessary gesture to him, clearly not aware he's smelling like a putrid garbage can that's been sitting out in the sun for two weeks.

"You need a clean up, you smell foul. When was the last time you brushed your teeth or washed your hair?" They reply, knowing they probably wouldn't like the anwser.

...

....

.....

Butcher looks at Y/n with a pout, then sighs and nods.

"Okay, I suppose you're right...I can't keep looking like this for much longer. I smell like a decaying animal and look like one. And the last time I brushed my teeth was...god I can't even remember that's how bad it is." 

"That's just pathetic and we need to fix that asap."

You would force him to clean up whether he liked it or not.

"Now go inside. I'm not letting you leave this room till you've taken a shower or bath."

Once he's done he opens the door for them, dressed in a fluffy bathrobe they once bought him as a present.

They order him to sit him on the edge of the bathtub so they have easier acces to his hair, starting to combing out the knots. It's easier now due to his hair being washed.

They were just happy he looked fresh and clean for once.

Butcher chuckles as they brush his hair. He grins up at them, he seems genuinely happy. That being said, he still smells a bit like meat and blood, he's definitely not clean enough to be in public yet. 

But he's just clean enough to be in a room with Y/n without them wanting to gouge their eyes out. Once they are done his newly clean hair looks amazing compared to his greasy and dirty hair beforehand. 

"And now you are gonna brush your teeth." They remind him.

"Fine, fine~ I've got no choice, I suppose my friend is the boss here."

Butcher laughs in a way that gives the vibe he isn't mentally doing okay. Y/n watches over, making sure their deranged man-child friend was actually brushing his teeth and not faking it.

You would probably have to take him to a dentist sooner or later. 

- - - - -

[sweetestlittledarling]

Banter at the Rowdy Raven

Part of @monthly-challenge 2024 | Banter

Rating: PG

Pairing: JulianxSparrow (Female Apprentice)

Summary: The more the city changes the more it stays the same

“Hey there sexy can I buy you a drink?”

              Sparrow had to sigh as she set her drink back down on the bar. The city might have been rebuilt but clearly the clientele of the Rowdy Raven would never change. Leaning back against the bar, she could see that this was not one of the normal patrons. He looked like he could be one with his only mother, could love face and smell that bordered on dead sewer rat but clearly, he was new in town, probably a sailor just off the boat. She might just give him a pass just this once. “No thank you, I already have one,” she said giving him a fake little smile.

              “Let me buy you the next one then,” the thug said, clearly not catching the hint. He stepped a bit closer, leaning in so she could smell his not so pleasant breath. “Or maybe I’ll let you buy me one seeing as you’ve already stolen something of mine.”

              “If you are going to say your heart,” Sparrow answered picking up her drink for another sip, “I assure you that I wouldn’t touch that with a thirty-foot pole.”

              “Aw come on don’t be so cold baby! Me and my friend’s noticed you from across the bar and we like your style, especially since it’s been a long time since we seen a lady as pretty as you.”

              Out of the corner of her eye Sparrow could see the equally unenticing sailors at the far table and silently sized up each of them. She kind of wished Mezalinka was in town, would be nice to have some back up right about then. But alas the pirate captain wasn’t expected back in town till tomorrow, and it was actually a fairly slow night sadly. Only Barth sat behind the bar watching and by the look in his eyes saying he could already see what was coming. He would not get involved unless necessary as was his custom as the bartender. “Well as nice a complement as that is,” Sparrow said, turning her eyes back to her drink, “I am sadly going to have decline the offer as I am already waiting for someone.”

              “Oh really?” the thug chuckled, “and who might that be? Your boyfriend?”

              “No, my partner,” Sparrow continued, unfazed, “he’s currently finishing up rehearsals down at the local theater and should be here any minute.” 

              The thug and his entire table erupted into laughter as if she had just told the funniest joke. “You mean your boyfriend is one of those froufrou actor types? Is he one who wears wigs and dances all around pretty like?”

              “Again, he is my partner and yes, he has worn wigs and danced, both at the same time. He’s actually very talented.” Sparrow had really hoped they would take the hint at this point but unfortunately it just wasn’t sticking in his pea brain head, because the next thing that happened was, he put his hand on her thigh. She made a face as he leaned in again.

              “Why don’t you come with me, and I’ll show you how a real man treats a lady?”

              Sparrow’s eyes narrowed. “How about you remove your hand before I remove it for you?”

              “I like them feisty,” the thug said licking his teeth. “Go a head hot stuff, show me what ya got.”

              Sparrow for a moment thought about showing him how hot she could actually get but thought better of it. He wasn’t worth the magical effort. So instead, she stood up right, tossed the last of her drink into his face and then decked him hard. She sent him stumbling back as his friends looked up in surprise, rising to their feet as she cracked her knuckles. “Now I was going to give you a pass seeing as you are new in town, but I see that you failed to take the hint,” she told them with a little smirk, “so let me clue you in. I am neither your baby nor your sexy lady. My name is Sparrow, and I am not someone you want to pick a fight with.”

              The thug spit out a tooth before he turned an awful glare at Sparrow. “Why you little- “He probably would have said something nasty if he hadn’t been hit by a bottle to the head knocking him unconscious. Sparrow watched him drop and then looked up to find her handsome doctor standing there in his black coat, his ever-famous grin near glowing in the low light of the bar.

              “Sorry I’m late my love,” he said, stepping over the unconscious body to take her hand and give her a kiss. “Rehearsal ran late. Did I miss anything?”

              “Just a rowdy thug who didn’t know how to keep his hands to himself,” Sparrow answered, smiling. “Nothing I couldn’t handle, though I think I might need your help for the next bit.” She motioned over to the table where the other thugs were looking ready to throw some hands, as well as chairs, and bottles.

              Julian’s grin grew devilish as he waggled an eyebrow at her. “Shall we dance my dear?”

              Sparrow nodded. “Let’s.”

              The next few minutes were a whirlwind of chaos, destruction, and bodies hitting the floor. It was glorious and, in the end, both Julian and Sparrow stood triumphant amongst the carnage. Sparrow had managed to make it through unscathed. Julian unfortunately had not. He hissed slightly as Sparrow gently touched the bruise just under his eye where a lucky punch had landed.

“You know, we should probably be careful as to not damage your face too much before your debut,” Sparrow mused, “I would hate to make the director angry.”

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry too much,” Julian chuckled, his bravado returning, “a little ice and some makeup and I’m sure no one will ever know the difference. Besides any wounds I get fighting by your side are wounds I wear with pride.”

“Oh really?” Sparrow asked, her voice sultry as she wrapped an arm around his waist pulling him in, “and what about the wounds I’m going to leave on that pretty neck of yours?”

The color rose quickly to Julian’s face as he bit his lip in that sexy way of his. “Gods above Sparrow, the things you do to me,” he groaned as he leaned in to kiss her passionately. Unfortunately, the mood was cut suddenly when a clear cough came from the bar. They both looked over to find Barth raising an eyebrow in their direction, cleaning rag in hand.

“Sorry Barth,” Sparrow apologized, as she tossed a few coins onto the bar, “two salty bitters for the road? And you can put the damage on my tab, actually- “Sparrow reached down and pulled out one of the thug’s coin purses, tossing it onto the bar with a smirk. “ -Put it on theirs.”

[a30somethingslookatpopculture]

Halloween Ends

This one took a lifetime to complete, as my thoughts were all over the place. But, my thoughts on Halloween Ends 👇🏻

I literally typed up notes the day it came out, and felt too overwhelmed to even finish this until recently (yay, anxiety) 😱

Enjoy!

(Sorry it's lengthy).

____________________________

Where do I start with this one? Halloween Ends was…well, I don’t know what it was. The thing about this movie is that it left you unsure of what you thought in the end. It took time to gather your thoughts. Whether or not that's a good or a bad thing, idk. 

After I watched this movie, I remember thinking so many things. One of those is that perhaps maybe this should have been the movie we got in 2018, kickstarting a “reboot series’...considering they were trying something new with this one. I like the idea that perhaps it isn’t Michael who is evil, but rather something in the town. It’s creative and fun. Tacking this idea on at the very end of the series feels gratuitous. Why try something cool and new...only to end it in the same movie? Another way I see it is what if the Laurie/Michael saga wrapped up with Ends (in a different way), and then the next movie followed Cory and Allison similar to how it did in this film? We see the curse of the town live on even without Michael. That may have been the better route to go, honestly. Because they needed the idea of Laurie and Michael being back to even sell audiences on a revival in the first place. 

Until the drain pipe thing, which saw a total shift in the story, I was into it. I didn't mind following Cory around and seeing how life was now for both he and Laurie after trauma. I liked seeing the parallels in their lives (with parallels between Cory and Michael as well later in the movie).. I was just thoroughly confused after the shift. Like what even? Michael just stares into his eyes, and suddenly this "thing" is passed onto him? Did they scrap the supernatural aspect of Michael, only to bring it back? I had some Jason Goes To Hell vibes, and idk if that's a good thing. 

I believe the marking for this film left us all a little bit disappointed in the final product. We expected an epic showdown between Laurie and Michael and all of the best things the Halloween franchise (can) offer. And we did get that, to some degree. Obviously, there couldn't be a 2 and ½ hour movie of fight scenes without a story arc. And I personally am not sure what else they could have done to end the series satisfyingly. So I like that they tried something interesting and unique with it. It just felt too disconnected from the previous films, and the franchise really. They REALLY zagged with this one. And I don’t think we got the proper ending we deserved. 

Now let’s talk about some of the plot points or things that kind of irked me. First, Michael. We’re supposed to fear him and root for Laurie. He should be unkillable with inhuman-like strength and the ability to take damage. He always has been. Even from the beginning. But it was incredibly hard to see Michael as a decrepit, vulnerable old man. How did Michael not seem to deteriorate much at all in 40 years, but then 4 years pass and he's falling apart. I guess an argument can be made that him living off dead rats or whatever in the sewer and not receiving proper health care could make him deteriorate faster...but idk. I don't buy it. C’mon! It’s Michael Myers! 

Another thing, Allison saw what evil really is when Michael killed her parents and destroyed Laurie's life for 40+ years. So I have problems with her not seeing it in Cory. Or heck, even just accepting it without even a second thought. I guess it's a way to show that the Strode women are drawn to evil, or it's drawn to them. But I just can't see how she'd not see it or question it even a little. They took a character I kind of liked and made me question everything about her. By the end, Allison became just another dumb Slasher character to me. 

The final showdown between Michael and Laurie was the highlight of the movie. As it should be. It felt like old times with these characters; a contained battle, complete with knives and Laurie outsmarting him to gain the upperhand. I take issue with how it all ended for them, though. It felt a bit anticlimactic to me. Michael has been shot, stabbed and burned a gazillion times. But he dies in a shredder? I mean sure, that would definitely kill someone for good. I think my issue was mostly just with how it was shot. The scene with the whole town at the shredder felt way too drawn out to me. I personally would have preferred if they just showed his throat being slashed, then a few seconds or so at the shredder. I’m not super fond of it, but that’s all that was really needed. Otherwise it just comes off too awkwardly for me. But that’s just my personal opinion. 

Don’t let everything I have said thus far fool you. I didn’t hate this film at all. In fact, I think I like it more than most. I kept asking myself throughout the movie, "would I like this on its own, if it didn't have anything to do with Michael and Laurie?" And I think the answer is, yes. More or less. Without the connections to the previous films and massive franchise, it would be good. Even the parts of the story that I take issue with, wouldn't happen if I didn't have prior knowledge of the other films. Everyone thinks differently. So things that do or don't work for some, might or might not work for others. Casuals may have enjoyed this movie more than die-hard fans. Because they are more than likely to go to slasher films for the gore and mindless fun and not read too deep into the stories. And let’s be real, most slashers lack solid stories anyways. 

All in all, I had fun with Halloween Ends. It’s something that I would watch again, and I'd recommend it to anyone. I’d just suggest they go into it with an open mind. More than anything else I think It’s not a bad film, it probably just has bad placement in the series. The music was great, as always. And the Halloween III font and vibes in the opening were chefs kiss! Actually the inclusion and love for all things Halloween III in the reboot series has been perfect! And hey, did you spot Darcy The Mail Girl in this movie? So cool! 

2.5-3/5 Stars.

[bigjitsu]

You think Sho was still alive when Lou Jitsu met Big Mama or nah? I could see Sho dying shortly before Lou Jitsu met her and so his relationship with her became a great pick-me-up/distraction from his passing and he was appreciative of that and it just kinda feeling like she was like a light that brightened up a dark moment for Lou Jitsu but then she became the person that reinvited darkness into his life when she used him and and and ! !

so sorry for the late response, this ask just. OOF. had me on the FLOOR just taking it all in because yes, i absolutely thought that Sho had probably passed when they met, but did not think about it as much as you clearly have. now though? now i definitely am.

see, before when i thought of sho, i really wasnt sure about when to place his death. lou jitsu and big mama dated for like, over a decade pre-proposal, and when they met it was during one of lou jitsu's earlier movies iirc (could be wrong but i dont think i am? do correct me if i am tho) and. idk, i was thinking one day and i thought, well. lou jitsu was clearly serious about big mama, and so, if sho was alive, would he have introduced her to him?

but then, i also thought, lou clearly loved her enough to want to marry her, it could be assumed he would not be opposed to start a family with her, but also, if he did, would that not mean he would have to tell her about their clan duties? surely if he didnt, sho would. but lou jitsu also left his grandfather and their clan, he claimed to disbelieve in the existence of shredder, and when sho came up to lou jitsu's trailer, he sent him away.

lou jitsu met big mama AFTER he sent sho away, and i definitely think that some time in between seeing his grandfather and meeting big mama, sho passed.

you're absolutely evil for making me think abt sho and lou jitsu anon, EVIL

I definitely agree in thinking sho died before lou jitsu met her.

i'm thinking abt leading up to the proposal, the buying of the ring, the asking big mama to marry him, maybe thinking of telling her the stories he grew up learning because maybe those are the stories their kids will grow up learning too--and then running his hand through his hair, taking a breath, laughing to himself and telling himself not to get ahead, she has to say yes first.

oof, the last part of your ask, with being the person who reinvited darkness into his life after soothing him from it! wow. i am once agion on the floor.

see the thing is, like, i feel what splinter told leo wasnt the full story, about his relationship with her--it was the sparknotes version. like, yes, all that happened, but that is not ALL that happened. i def think they had smth going on even after the proposal. like. he broke in to steal a picture of the two of them from her ROOm. he still gets her flustered by his name for her. he still gets weak for her eyes. he mentioned his time as the battle nexus champion with some level of appreciation too--he liked being the champion, he liked having fans, he liked the hidden city. it was the later half, when something happened. he wanted to stop. he became a pacifist.

we dont know why or how this change happened but it also shifted their relationship--which confuses me because, the version leo gets has him behind bars immediately after the proposal/spider reveal. which, could happen, but doesnt line up with the rest? unless of course, giving the sparknotes version to leo meant blending the big mama+battle nexus years together, meaning "early relationship" and "latter half" of the relationship are both given as a basic rundown of the important bits which yeah, tracks.

she did reinvite darkness back, and thats why it hurts him--he wanted to be more than her champion and he still doesnt know if he was. because he refused to fight and then he was in a cell and then he had turtle sons and then he was a rat man and then he was living in the sewers.

anon i am so sorry for completely losing track of the answer, like. i veered way off topic oops-

[ultralightpoe]

Mistaken - Steve Rogers

Description: Steve is sure he knows you, you are sure he doesn’t. It’s an awkward day for both

Warnings: MINORS BEWARE SMUT AHEAD. This one is saucy.

Authors Note: Yeah.....this one got away from me a bit. I hope you guys like it. Written as gn! reader. Feel free to send in some requests and enjoy!

Word Count:1,903

MAIN Master List - - Marvel Master List

            There are many things one might want to hear while they are completely hungover, looking like a dementor from Harry Potter, smelling like a sewer rat. One being “free donuts.” or maybe even “Free coffee.”

           “Don’t look now but Captain frickin America is hardcore staring your way.” Was sure as hell not one of the things you’d want to hear.

             Your friends had dragged you out last night for your birthday, taken to some random night club dressed to the nines wearing a sash that said ‘buy me a birthday drink.’ The sash obviously worked because 2 hours later you and your friends were so blacked out that you barely remembered anything, but there was a video of you giving some Steve Rogers look alike a lap dance at 1 am. 

            But it was no longer 1 am, in fact it was 8 am and you needed to get your act together for work at 10, so your friend took you to the store for some emergency Pedialyte, looking like death and wishing to whatever gods there were that the floor would just swallow you whole. 

           The gods did not answer your plea, too busy giving pleas of their own that someone would save them from a cranky hungover Steve Rogers.  

            The Avengers had gone out last night, all set to celebrate a mission gone well, and in an attempt to ease Steve’s normal stick in the mud, Thor kept giving him Asgardian mead.  It seemed like a great idea that night but when Steve woke up the next morning the soldier was extremely agitated and Thor was being scolded every second. (His headache was going to crack his head open until another Athena jumped out)

          Steve, not ready to let it go, forced Thor to the store with him and buy some stuff for the team to help the days hangover before their event that night.

          Which is where he saw you. 

            The man couldn’t figure out where he had seen you before but he knew you from somewhere, he was sure of it. You were standing with your friend, smiling like an absolute blessing, and Steve is sure he knows that smile. 

           “Thor, who is that?” Steve whispers as your friend leans in to tell you something that has your eyes widening. 

            “I have no clue, freedom man.” Thor shrugs before disappearing into the pop tart aisle, leaving Steve to himself. Your friend seemed to notice, winking in his direction before disappearing as well. 

             You took a risk and looked at him for a second, eyes widening even further while you turned back around and pretended you were extremely interested in the child electrolytes. 

             Steve took a deep breath, thinking screw it, while he walked up. 

            “Excuse me? Do…Do I know you?” He asks, standing beside you. 

            “Me? Oh good gosh no. I have never met an avenger.” You rush out.

             “Do I know you?” The birthday girl/guy asks, smiling widely as a very well known Avenger sits next to them at the bar. “You seem familiar.”

           “Yeah? How so?” He smiles back, chest tightening at the beauty before him. 

            “Mmmmmm. Maybe my dreams?” You offer, hand moving to his shoulder. “Wait. I’m actually sure of it. You are from my dreams.”

            “What kind of dreams?”

              “Why don’t you guess blondie?”

                “What do I get if I guess right?” He is whispering now, leaning in close while their friends party without them in the background. 

                 “What do you want?” You match his tone, fingers traveling up from his shoulder to his cheek very slowly. 

               “From you? Everything.”

            “Oh.” Steve states lamely, still staring at you. “Would you like to?”

             A laugh escapes you as you look over to the man nodding, holding out a hand to shake in a friendly manner. “Absolutely”

         “Well then, I’m Steve Rogers.” He smiles, shaking your hand softly. 

            “Y/n L/n.”

           “I’m assuming that the Pedialyte isn’t actually for a kid?” He teases, not really wanting to let go of your hand just yet. I swear I know that face. 

          “Is it that easy to tell I’m hungover?” You grimace, grabbing a grape flavored bottle. 

              “It’s easy to recognize one whom shares the same pain.” Steve responds with a faux british accent. You laugh again, looking to his cart and seeing the three boxes of donuts. “For the rest of the group? Or super soldier appetite? I won’t judge either way.”

           “You here with friends?” He asks, standing from his stool and moving between your legs. 

            “The group over there.” You answer, kissing his cheek while pointing. He doesn’t look, in truth he had been watching you all night, slowly getting the courage to come up to you, 

           “You want to go to a more private booth? Maybe dance a little?” He offers, the dazed look in your eye making him feel even drunker, leaning in to attach your lips. 

           He doesn’t pull back though, desperate to pull all your being into his own through the kiss, which has you reeling back to breathe. “Y’know you have to let me answer if you want that lap dance right?”

             “Good point.” He teases, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth. 

             “You don’t even know my name, you savage.”

              “What’s your name, pretty one?”

               “Tonight? You can call me angel.” You smile, tightening your legs around his waist. “How bout you?”

             “Cap. You can call me cap.”

           “Okay Cap, let’s move to the booth.”

          “For the team, although there are times where donuts are my main meal.” Steve laughs, pulling his cart up to look at the contents. “I’m supposed to be getting fruit too.” 

           “Perfect, I was going to head that way.” You smile, moving to walk beside him. “I wouldn’t think the avengers would be a partying bunch.”

           “Normally not, but we were celebrating last night.”

          “Yeah? Why’s that?”

             “We had a tough mission and we managed to get through it decently enough. I did get my arm nicked with a bullet though.” He answers, lifting the arm covered in a long sleeve. Your face flashes with something that looks like recognition for a moment before you look away in a hurry.

           “That’s…. Ouch.” You mumble, not looking near him

             The booth was dim and slightly hidden, not as much as they wanted but a little better than before.  Before you knew it the lap dance was long forgotten.

            Lips molded together, hips moving as one while your hands touched every spot they could. Pulling back slightly when your bracelet snags on a heavy bandage. 

           “What happened here?” It comes out a whisper, you don’t think you can manage more as the stranger kisses and licks up your neck, strong hands squeeze your torso.

           “Got shot, nothing to worry yourself about.” He whispers back, looking up at you with a heavy expression. “Are you from heaven? Cause you sure look it.”

             “What if I was from hell?” You giggle, beginning the rhythm of moving again. “Pretending to be an angel and seducing you?”

           “Oh is that what you were doin’?” He pants out, a new york accent begging to break through. “You wanna move this to the bathroom, Angel?”

Shit.

Shit shit shit.

           You’re panicking now as you begin flashing back to the lap dance. The copious amounts of tequila and the dim lights had you thinking it was some impersonator, but you recognized the bandage, torn slightly in the corner…Didn’t you? 

         “You okay?” He asks softly. Watching your skin flare up in embarrassment.

         “M-me? Yeah I’m fine. But I actually have a lot to get before work- can’t be late for a paid fate.” You laugh nervously which has his eyes widening as you try to walk away. 

               The angel had the prettiest fucking moans in the world. 

              Their cheek pressed against the bathroom stall door as they moaned for him to move faster, which he happily obliged. The pure bliss he felt with every move was addicting, he wanted to stay like this forever. 

              Kissing up your shoulder to your neck as he moved, he couldn’t help but think that angel was a perfectly good nickname, because this was fucking heaven. 

             “Just like that angelface. Come on.” He grunted, hips moving a bit faster, both chasing the release that followed. “Aw fuck.”

               “Oh my gosh…..” you breathe out, letting him hold you up since your legs were too shaky to do much else. “What are you? A god?”

        “I wish darlin’” He mumbles, kissing the back of your neck softly now that the wave had crashed.

                      “Wait a minute…..” Steve mumbles, watching you rush off. “Can’t be late…. Where have I heard that before?”

           His feet begin moving on their own accord, moving to find where you ran off to. When he passes Thor he all but shoves the basket in the gods hands, murmuring a “take this” before you fall into his sight again. This time leaving the store with bags. 

           Steve rushes after you, groaning a bit when the sunlight hits him. “Wait! Wait! I know you.”

            He hears you whine out to your friend to hurry, telling them to shut up when they ask “wasn’t an impersonator huh?”

           Clothes were put back on, with some awkward shuffling about and you both were getting ready to leave the stall. But Steve wasn’t ready. 

          “How about some breakfast?” He asks, heart beating out of his chest as you look up at him, hands rubbing his torso as if you knew it would help with the anxiety.

             “Can’t, I got work. Can’t be late for a paid fate.” You laugh, kissing his chin.

         “That’s an odd saying.”

          “Read it in an obituary and thought it matched work pretty well.” This has Steve laughing now too, grabbing your head and pulling you in for a kiss. “I wanna see you again.”

         “Yeah?” You whisper, pulling out a pen. 

         “No. Actually I need you see you again.” He flirts, refusing to break eye contact as you slip his arm bandage up a bit, writing your number down. 

         “If you remember this is there before it fades away then it’s fate.” You explain, kissing above your number which is just below the wound, before rewrapping his arm.  “You know, you actually kinda look like Captain America, the likeness is uncanny.”

           He catches you right before you get into the passenger seat, holding the door as his heart beats right out of his chest. 

           “We have a fundraising gala tonight. I want you to come with me.” He blurts, attempting a nervous smile.

           “I’m sorry?” You’re laughing nervously, looking between your friend and him like you couldn’t believe this was real.

         “No. I’m sorry, that wasn’t the way to ask.” He sighs before leaning in until your noses practically touched, hands moving to scoop your face. “Will you be my date to the fundraising ball tonight, angel? Can’t ignore fate when it clearly wants you to date.”

          His chest explodes when you laugh loudly, your skin hot as you nod. “O-okay. Yeah.”

          “Perfect, I’ll call you.” He kisses your lips before stepping back. 

       “Don’t you need my number?” You laugh, moving to grab a pen. 

         He shakes his head, pushing the bandage up a bit to reveal it’s still there. “Nope. I remembered before it faded.”

That he did.

[cafedanslanuit]

sometimes ending a relationship is the only way to help each other. at least that’s what you tell yourself on your way back home to your fiancé.

♡   —   pairing: reiner braun x reader / zeke jaeger x reader (mentioned but not described)

♡   —   tags/warnings: female reader, suggestive but not explicit, cheating, angst, canon compliant, toxic relationships (not romanticized)

♡   —   a/n: heavily inspired by miley cyrus’ ‘angels like you’, hence the title.

♡   —   length: 2.2k

♡   —   masterlist

Liberio at night was never a pretty sight.

As you walked home, you noticed all the small details you never took the time to see. The puddles of sewer water on the streets, the stench of urine in the corners close to bars and the sound of rats running around, too afraid to come in the light. Your thighs hurt every step you gave and you couldn’t ignore the burning sensation between your legs. Memories of grunts and your nails digging on a man’s back flooded your mind, making you shake your head in a vague attempt to get rid of them.

You knew well you couldn’t ever get rid of them.

You thought of everything that led you to Zeke’s office late that night. Of course, it was about delivering some documents that could have been delivered the next morning and staying for a cigarette even if you had quit smoking years ago. And before you knew it, Chief Jaeger was fucking you on his desk, your legs around his waist, his forehead pressing to your shoulder and his hands grabbing your ass as he roughly pounded against you.

You wished there was a part of yourself that truly believed you didn’t know this was coming, that you hadn’t let your skirt rile up when you crossed your legs neither smiled bashfully at Zeke’s compliments about how beautiful you looked that night. You wished there was a part of you that was really attracted to him, a part of you that really wanted him to fuck you seneseless and leave you a sweating mess over his desk as he pulled up his pants.

But you knew better than that.

You opened the door to your small house, not bothering in turning on the lights. Maybe this was for the best, you told yourself. It was the best decision you could make. Well, it had to be, or else you had broken a man without a purpose.

On your way to your bedroom, you noticed a new framed photo on the wall, making you stop in your tracks. You remembered taking it a little more than a week ago and you figured it must have been delivered while you were gone. Reiner, his mom and you were smiling at the camera and if you hadn’t known both Brauns as much as you did, you could have sworn their smile was genuine.

Your eyes fixated on Reiner’s soft expression, one of his hands on your shoulder and the other one over his mom’s. He had barely talked to you since returning from his long mission in Paradis, refusing to answer any of your questions regarding how he was feeling or what had happened during the years he was gone. Reiner had never been one to share too much. You still remembered how long it took him to tell you the truth about his absent father on an Autumn afternoon, his face pressed on your thighs, his shoulders shaking violently as he told you the truth that had been tormenting him for years. You were twelve, just one year older than him, yet you listened and ran your fingers through his blond locks, trying to comfort him the best way you knew. Four years passed by and every night you would pray for his safety and that he would return to you. You knew he was a warrior and that he was good at what he did but you couldn’t fight the feeling that you just wanted him to rest. 

The first time you saw Reiner after his mission in Paradis, you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. No matter how tightly Reiner held you, assuring you he was in fact there and that it wasn’t another one of your dreams. He was hurried by his mother to leave you and go back to his home, which he did, not before asking you to meet him at your spot at midnight.

Reiner was your first kiss. And how happy you were that you had waited for him.

As short-lived as your romance was before he had to leave for war again, you couldn’t help but notice the weight over his shoulder had only increased. Only this time, he wouldn’t talk about what he saw or experienced at the island. You tried to be understanding, even if it pained you to see his disassociated eyes look at the horizon whenever he was too much in his head.

Before Reiner went to war, he promised he would marry you when he got back. You had smiled brightly between tears and told him you would wait for him, no matter how long he took. Both of you kept on your promises, with him buying a small house inside of Liberio just for the two of you and you organizing a small but lovely wedding that would happen in a few months.

That was supposed to happen in a few months.

Now you wondered where it was that you lost him. Had a part of him died in Paradis? Had it been the war that had finally sent him over the edge. You weren’t sure. All you knew was that the Reiner sleeping on your bed wasn’t the boy who had cried on your lap anymore.

Not having enough with dancing around your questions about his feelings, he also expected you to act like he wasn’t having nightmares every night. That you didn’t see him sitting up with a panicked expression, covered in sweat. Whenever you tried to reach for him, he would elude your touch, not even caring to acknowledge your questions about what he had dreamt about or how you could help.

He hadn’t shared a word with you after coming back home from your engagement celebration. Even if the whole afternoon he had his arm around your waist and would press kisses on your forehead and temple at any moment, it all went away when he stepped inside your new home.  You still remembered the knot in your throat from when he refused your offer to have some tea on your balcony, just the two of you. Reiner turned to leave so quickly he didn’t notice the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You didn’t know what happened on that island and you probably would never know but you were sure the man who you had been sharing a bed with wasn’t Reiner anymore.

Your eyes looked at Mrs. Braun in the photo, a sour taste filling your mouth. Even if her smile was gentle, you couldn’t easily forget that only a few minutes before the photo, she had told Reiner you were just an orphan trying to profit from his warrior status and that he should break the engagement, that a promise he made when he was sixteen meant nothing. Reiner’s eyes met yours for a brief second and just when you thought he was going to say something to defend you, he lowered his head, continuing to listen to his mother’s yells while she pretended you were not in the same room.

You took the photo off the wall and placed it face down on the table.

Resuming your steps, you stepped into your bedroom. Reiner was sound asleep on your bed, the sheet not big enough to cover his brod, bare shoulders. For a minute, you just watched him sleep, taking in everything you had loved for years about him. From the way his brow creased to the small mole next to his ear, to the way his hair looked when it was messy. You hated the way his image made you smile even as you were about to lose him for good.

Taking a deep breath, you turned the lights on. Reiner’s light sleep was evident when he started blinking a few seconds later, a confused look on his face until his eyes met yours.

"I fucked Zeke tonight."

A truth. You thought it was always easier when you start with one. Reiner stayed still for a moment, his still confused mind trying to process your words. You watched him in silence, waiting for his response. He was never violent so you weren’t afraid but you knew that night everything was going to change.

Reiner passed one of his hands across his hair, letting out a long sigh.

"Okay."

You furrowed your eyebrows. You opened your mouth and then closed it, not believing you had heard him correctly.

"Okay?"

"I just want to sleep," he exhaled, laying his head on the pillow once again and closing his eyes. You took some steps further until you were standing next to him.

"Reiner, I fucked Zeke Jaeger in his office an hour ago."

"Yeah, you just told me," Reiner muttered, his eyes still closed.

That’s when it hit you. You took the sheets covering his body and pulled them away hastily, forcing him to open his eyes.

"Do you really not fucking care!?" you spat, your voice breaking at the end.

For a few seconds, Reiner remained quiet, not an inch of his body moving. You were breathing heavily, eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall. It was all coming down to this and a part of you still couldn’t believe this is how you were going to say goodbye. Was he truly the man you had loved for the last ten years? Did you really mean so little in his mind? You watched him sit up on the bed, his honey eyes finally facing yours.

"Of course I care that my fiancée slept with the Chief. Of course, I care, fuck— I hate it. I fucking hate it and I wish I could stop imagining it happening inside my head,” Reiner said, gesturing towards his temple, his voice hoarse and pained. “Because it is. Believe me when I say I keep replaying those thoughts in my head, over and over and over,” he hissed, his lips forming a thin line. “But why— why would I feel entitled to say anything when I'm the one that's been fucking things up with you?" he asked, his palm hitting his chest forcefully.

The tears you promised not to shed were already falling from your eyes, your face twisting in a scowl.

“We're not good for each other. We haven’t been for a while, Reiner. So please, please, lets just— we need to let each other go,” you pleaded.

“It’s not like that, we’re not— fuck,” Reiner sighed, covering his face with his hands. “I’m sorry. I am, I just— I can’t,” he choked.

“It’s not your fault,” you assured him in a softer voice. Tentatively, you put your hand over his shoulder, rubbing it gently. You saw his body melt under your touch, his left hand immediately reaching for yours in search for comfort. “I’m not what you need right now, Reiner. We’re only hurting each other by playing this long game of pretend. And… I’m tired. I’m so tired,” you cried.

His hand squeezed yours in a vain attempt to calm you down. It only increased the sobs, making you remember all the times he had taken your hand underneath the table whenever he noticed you were anxious in a social gathering or kissed each one of your knuckles, making you laugh even when you had just been crying.

“Guess your mom was right when she told you I wasn’t good enough for you,” you chuckled sadly.

“Don’t say that,” he shook his head, taking your hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss on the back of your hand. Reluctantly, you pulled your hand away from his, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“But it’s true. I— I fucked up. I fucked up big time, Reiner. And now… now we’re done,” you breathed out, looking at your shoes. “We can’t just keep pretending everything is fine when—"

"Let's go to sleep.”

You choked on a sob, your eyes snapping back to his. “Reiner,” you whispered.

"I promise we'll talk in the morning. Just come here" he said, shifting on the bed to make space for you. You looked at the sheets, your body not moving a fraction. “Please,” he almost begged, his voice making your heart clench in pain.

You held on his powerful gaze, lips parted in dismay. Both of you stayed in silence for longer than you could register and even if he wasn’t talking, you could recognize the utter necessity of having you close in his eyes, even if he was aware of the lie you had fabricated together. You finally yielded and you looked away, nodding idly as you wiped the tears off your face. Your body and mind had surrendered one more time, just like you told yourself you wouldn’t.

"Let me take a shower first,” you muttered, taking off your coat.

"No," Reiner quipped. You turned to him, confused, and now he was the one to avoid your gaze. "I don't care, just... let's go to sleep.”

Kicking your shoes off, you got into bed with him, his arms around your body feeling so foreign you felt yourself on the verge of breaking down once again. Reiner buried his face on your neck, pretending he didn’t recognize the strong male perfume lingering on your skin, instead massaging the plush of your hips with his thumb softly.

"I love you," he whispered. Your eyes filled with tears once more.

"I love you too," you mumbled back.

You knew you both meant it.

Maybe that's what hurt the most.

[badass-at-fandoming]

Just Little Malkavian Things ~

Malkavians these days can do nothing but de-conceptualize, Dement, eat hot chip, and lie.

Since people seemed to enjoy the #JustLittleVentrueThings VTMB adventure, here's a matching Malkavian one. Though I'm gonna be real with ya here, I had less fun D:

I finally figured out why I have such trouble wrapping my head around depictions of Malkavians in VTM media. Books, Storytellers, and fans say it's like having a mental illness and being linked to a massive group chat. But, listen, I've lived around and with mental illness all my life. I've been in massive group chats. Being Malkavian ain't like that.

It IS like being an early-twenties English major in the midst of an existential crisis, over-worked and cross-faded outta your skull and watching horror movies to Cope(TM)

So it's like drugs. It's like you had too much weed and too much wine and are let loose on Los Angeles. Which. My friends and I have and we, coincidentally, also "fought" a stop sign. The Malkavian PC never really seemed like a character to me: she's like a collection of cliches and dude-bros doing blunts while watching slasher movies. I named her Liotta after the Psychic Shop owner, and I'm sad Liotta didn't really get to be a person.

I wasn't surprised by any of the dialog. It's a pattern. Alliteration, allusion, animal joke. Alliteration, allusion, animal joke. It lost its charm.

Often, I didn't know what the FUCK I was saying. Which is the Malkavian Experience(TM), according to Rosa.

Anyway

Nonsense time

Most characters have an extra paragraph of dialog to Acknowledge That You Are A Malkavian. Some get an extra conversation branch. For example, there's lots of new Bertie dialog and he was all impressed Liotta knows about Gehenna and Thin-bloods <3. The Anarchs characters, especially Skelter, get a lot more. Skelter, Ash, and Liotta totally vibe.

If you sneak around the Santa Monica drug house, they talk about Mercurio?? Hello?? Mercurio, you bent Masquerade by not getting beat up real good.

Zero pretense about Voerman. Yes, I have DID; yes, I am making it your problem.

When Liotta talked to Beckett, he said the DID was "something to look forward to." Goddamnit, Beckett. That's not how the Bane or mental illness works! >:-(

I've never sneaked before!!! Did you know that the Tong AND the American gang downtown have fakes in their suitcases??? Like, Full On, "it's just stuffed with newspapers, brah." They were going to kill each other over newspapers. For some reason the Tong brought the REAL suitcase along too, but I'm so past having VTM make any sort of sense. It's fine.

Accidentally pissed off Nines. I meant farmer (affectionate) and Nines thought I meant farmer (derogatory). :(

The Dementation powers are (a) pretty purple loop-de-loops, (b) not as effective as Dominate (reaaaallyyy missed a good AOE attack), and (c) oddly enough, gave more compassionate dialog choices. I mean. In the pen-and-paper version, Dementation isn't conflict-focused, so the devs had to jigger it to use as attacks. But I was touched when Liotta made Hannah believe she was Paul, so Hannah got to say goodbye. Making Samantha believe Liotta was a pet turtle was funny and spared her the pain of her friend vanishing a second time. Heather thinks her entire experience was a dream and returns to her life, more or less unscathed.

Boris?? Asked Liotta to kill Venus for him???? DUDE, WHAT. I didn't know he could counter-offer!! What happens if you take up his offer? Who controls Confession? Does it close down??

Pro Tip: don't trust the pale woman in a cowboy stripper outfit who comes out of your vent and tells you everything's fine.

I went through an ENTIRE Ventrue playthrough without puking and Liotta ate one (1) unhoused person and blew chunks. I didn't realize Diseased Blood was a threat. What happens if you skip the Plague-bearer quest? Should you just never chomp on the Downtown unhoused community?

Strauss called Liotta "young one" and I was like, sir. You're not Beckett, you can't trick me.

A rat dances in the Downtown sewers and tells Liotta that the grass is greener in someone else's asshole.

And also will take you places.

Do you know what it's like for a Capri Sun to suddenly start speaking and offer taxi services.

LaCroix: how did Bach find me??? also LaCroix: [names his company after himself] [lives in Ventrue Tower]

Liotta told Beckett that Kindred are a joke and I got extra EXP for being so sneaky.

DMP produced snuff films even before Andrei???!!!! I thought all the blood was from the lil geo-dudes.

Liotta agreed with Andrei that Caine is here and boot-scooting around in his lil Angst Mobile. :D

As bad as Liotta was in group fights, she repeatedly made bosses cower and stand quietly while she beat them to death. Andrei had a full on lay-on-the-floor temper tantrum in his war form and Liotta just. Smacked him until he exploded. She didn't even take damage!

Imalia's computer password is ALSO "cleopatra." Just like Tawni's! Dual reference to the Embrace type

IDK why I never asked this before, but, um, who does Mitnick share the bunk bed with? Barabus..?

I went back to the Empire Hotel Penthouse suite to fetch the educational book and the Russian mob dudes were still there?? Hello, sirs, your leader is dead. You can leave now.

Liotta heard the real thoughts of the Red Dragon hostess...and also some debate about the Dark Father's presence in LA, heehee.

I thought it was fun that one of the "take me away, Cabbie!" taxi replies mentioned riding in a car like father and child. :D

"Why is the Mandarin giggling at me" is a sentence that came out of my face.

With the different dialog options, sometimes it's impossible to be polite to NPCs. For example: Liotta could only call VV "dolly/doll/toy doll" instead of her preferred names; the Chinatown gun seller felt frightened, thinking we were Police or Immigration.

Some great fourth wall breaks in the dialog: "I don't want to get involved either, but tell that to whoever is playing me!" to Beckett after the Giovanni Mansion.

"You can't spell success without whatever the hell my name is."

"If I cannot win with effort, I will cheat my way to victory. I am gone." Funnily enough, this was my first run where I didn't hack in to boost stats.

"I just want it to end. I feel like I've been playing forever."

Some nice wider lore references: "I devour knowledge like the great worm devours the corpse of society" could refer to how Salout, in tapeworm form, is devouring Tremere's body and destabilizing the Clan and/or Kindred night society.

"They should have a channel devoted to you in my head" to Beckett. In his Diary, Beckett witnesses Malkavians devouring Malkav and may or may not join the Cobweb (PS check out this great fanfic where he does).

This made me stare into space for a minute and question my life choices. During the Sabbat massacre, Liotta didn't snack on any of the blood doll ghouls (ya know, the ones with the eyes gouged out). She had such high Inspection + Finance that she had $4k in her wallet and could buy blood. I wanted to test a rumor that if you don't feed on the blood dolls, you get extra EXP. You do. BUT anywAY, right before the Tremere miniboss, Liotta was sword-fighting some goons and the blood doll...attacked him for her? Like. He moved on his own. When the goon was dead, the blood doll asked if Liotta was all right. This might have been a glitch but...the horrific implications that those men are still conscious, still willful, still feeling. ACK. I hope they got out the next morning.

RIP Ming Xiao. Flamethrower right to the tiddies.

I stole @ryttu3k's idea and noclipped through the werewolf section. Liotta still killed the Garou, but I didn't want the stress.

Caine is very Caine. "Don't you get it? We've already been judged!"

Liotta went Anarch because what little backstory I came up for her was she considered Smiling Jack her sire. Nines complimented her ability to murder.

Sheriff got sooooo dizzy that he fell over right onto Liotta's sword 27 times.

Dancing werewolf ending! Seemed fitting. :D

[sugarakis-p2]

Hunted by the Sacred Order ch3

Mothman Shigaraki has a new blended family, and a new mate named Drury. It’s not easy mixing humans and beasts but they are trying. All while being hunted by the Sacred Order for bringing down a protective wall that separated the tasty humans from the monsters of the forest. Now Shigaraki must either fight his nature or give in, he knows what he wants. A bigger family, but are they ready for it, will the rest of the family agree?

You think robbing a library would be easy but between a sick Drury and navigating a sewer system filled with rats and dung beetle people it's nothing but a hassle it gets worse when they reach the library. Shigaraki is home waiting for Spinner to come through for him, when his instincts kick in again turning him into a mushy protective daddy moth.

A gift for @shiggycansteponme

Warning: Soft sinnamon roll dilf moth Shiggy, swallowing gross stuff, NSFW memories, knotting references, sewer crawl.

Chapter 2

Chapter 3:

“Whoa! Why does the church put my reward so high,” Drury asked from her hiding spot on Muscular’s back.

They had bundled themselves as porters for the Sacred Order. Drury wasn’t up to trying to disguise herself and try to lie her way through. She is tied to his back under a bundle of straw. Dabi flashed the badges from the two they caught, having enough forethought to steal them.

“That is unusual. I’ve killed way more than you. Got to admit they captured your beauty,” Muscular says. Most of his face hidden under a blue hanky, with his good eye, he shuffled through the pile of wanted posters. Most of the group are wanted, calling them a League of villains. Sacred Order propaganda was so out there.

“Not so loud, meathead,” Dabi huffed.

“We’re in a shady alleyway; we’re fine. What a drama queen,” Muscular snorted. Drury whined for some more root, and Muscular tried to get her to use her mouth to take it from him, but she snatched it before he could be creepier.

“Drury, will these badges get us to the inner walls where the forbidden library is at?” Dabi asked. Originally, he just wanted to get the possible babies out of the way for war. But he can’t help thinking this might be for the best since she is so sick.

“No, that’s why I said we should wait until dark. It’s not just that you stand out too much. It’s because we need to hit the sewers. The port to it is in the middle of the road,” Drury groans, chewing harder. She points to the crowd. His eyes follow her finger, and sure enough, there is a port. He groans to himself.

“We can get into the inner rings by the sewer?” he asked, worried now.

“Yeah, most wouldn’t consider it. You have the rat and dung beetle people down there. It’s dangerous, by the way, Dabi, no fire down there. There are pockets of built-up gas. Do we have any gold? What am I saying? Of course, we do; Hannah wouldn’t have sent us on this mission without it?”

“Why?” Dabi asked cautiously.

“Because I’m hungry. Also, the rat people are easier to deal with, you throw fresh food opposite you, and they will chase it. Buy a bunch of rolls,” Drury said, getting drowsy and snuggling against Musc’s back. The monster looked like he was in heaven, and Dabi hesitated. The man didn’t listen very well and shouldn’t be left alone with Drury.

“Hey, Drury, do you think someone could travel through the sewers all the way from the outer rings?” Snapping his fingers to wake her.

“Yeah, but who would swim through that much shit?” She mumbles, falling asleep. Dabi knows. Shigaraki would. Dabi was quick. It wasn’t hard to convince Musc to steal the rolls while Dabi burned people from the manhole.

They dropped down, and Dabi lit the way. Musc set some rolls aside for Drury, Dabi scoffed at the gesture.

“She’s not going to want sewer rolls, musclehead,” He told him, rigging a spell to help find their way.

“You won’t because you’re not made of sterner stuff, not like my Drury,” he boasts.

“Careful, if anyone from the den heard that, fuck, if Drury heard that,” he was lecturing when Muscular interrupted.

“She is completely passed out. This is unnatural. She will be better off with me,” he says seriously. Dabi doesn’t care who she ends up with as long as they can get her fighting again. They had to do this quick. He cast the spell and observed the direction his blue flickered too.

The rolls did work like a charm. Anytime they came across a patrol of rat people, they would throw a roll, and they would chase it. Fighting over it and eating the most injured in the scuffle. It’s as harsh in the underworld as above.

Muscular stops him with concern gracing his face for the first time Dabi has seen. He doesn’t like it. He has always been happy with bloodlust. This thoughtful muscular is making Dabi nervous.

“She’s hot like feverish. I can feel her burning and sweating. Don’t think she has long. Let’s just kill everything in our way and quit wasting time?”

“Quit thinking. You’re not in charge. I already told you to leave it to me. We are going to get there soon. You think you can beat a whole army of ticked-off rat and dung creatures, but your Drury and I know the reality, so wait.” No sooner did he say this than turn the corner and walk right into a Dung insect patrol, “Fuck!” he hissed.

Letting loose with a small burst of flame, he was surprised when he nearly killed all of them. An explosion threw them back and smashed the three of them smashed against the wall. When he woke up, he paused, thinking. Having a hard time understanding through the fog and loud ringing shooting pain through his skull. The insects were surrounding her. Touching her and chittering amongst the limbs of their comrades.

“Drury! Wake up, dammit!” he yelled, only to get hit by one of the insect people. He hears a roar to his right and glimpses Muscular fighting and being overrun. With sheer numbers, they have already lost. Worse is when he realizes he must have hit a pocket of gas. Using his magic was a risk down here.

They hovered over Drury, talking amongst themselves, not beating him if he holds still. He listened to them and realized he understood a few words that drifted through the trilling noises. Breeding, progress, pregnant, females, structure, kill, hurt, care; overall, it didn’t sound good for them. He tried to move and was pressed down on by more of them. It took a while and a lot of death, but they brought down Muscular.

They are careful with Drury’s limp form. One brought some black foul-looking stuff, shoving it in her mouth as the hideous beetle and cricket-looking creatures argued over her.

“Hey!” Dabi shouts in Mothman, “Don’t touch her, or her mate will rip you apart!” He said in Mothman.

They freeze, turning to him before they bombard him with noises he can’t understand. Crowding in with their soulless eyes and wavering mandibles that make him sick to look at. One of them pulls at Drury's strands of hair with their little claws like segmented hands. It took him a moment to understand it was trying to pet her as they brought some cocoon thing to her. They squeezed it into her mouth, feeding her green goop, which she sucked down like it was mothers milk, moaning in relief.

He couldn’t take this; it was churning his stomach. It was so disgusting.

“Get off!” He roars as he looses another burst of blue flames, “Hey, grab her!”

They are scattering from him and Muscular, who is eager to keep fighting while they try to get a barely conscious Drury away, As he sends a ball of fire above them. They clearly fear it but are unwilling to let Drury go. Muscular is tearing her away from them, flinging her groaning body over his shoulder.

“Let’s go!” he shouts. Muscular wanted to keep fighting when a giant roach creature screeched at them. With an army of similar creatures swarming behind, he sends a wave of fire, and the roaches shake it off.

“Fuck this,” Dabi growls. Muscular grabs him and runs with both bouncing over his shoulder.

“Which direction?” the man huffs. Dabi is about to tell him he can’t use his flames in an unknown area.

“Go left at the next tunnel. Then right at the first ladder, take the next ladder you see after that,” Drury says, perking up. Green goop at the corner of her mouth, making Dabi shudder in revulsion. The insects are hot on their tail when Muscular bursts above ground. They didn’t pursue as Musc dodged into an alleyway.

“Alright, Dru. Where do we go next?” Dabi asked. She shrugged, wiping her mouth thankfully. It was souring his stomach. He didn’t know how much longer he could look at that. He gave her an incredulous look, and she giggled at him.

“I don’t know. I read the markers the workers put down their labels on the walls for the streets above. I’ve never been in the inner walls before. But the library should be close by. The Librarian in the outer rings talked about it often. He would tell me how women are never allowed in the library, and he wished the same rules applied there. Let me take a look at the street names, see where we are at,” Drury says, indicating for Muscular put her down.

Muscular did after Dabi shot him a dirty look. She bends and stretches her legs. It is amazing how good she feels. Maybe all she needed was some rest on solid ground? Whatever it was, she felt like she could kick these two in the balls for making her come here. Before looking at the deserted street, the building themselves were amazing. She had never seen ones so tall and pretty. When she looked down the street, there were so many homes, and they all looked the same in a way that confused her. She can feel her cheeks heating as she walks back.

“Well?” Dabi asks.

“I don’t know. Got overwhelmed and didn’t see any of the signs they put on the streets. I really want to go home,” she pouts. Dabi sighs, grabs her by the hand, and looks for her. In no time, they are outside of the library. Drury sulks the entire time until they do reach the library. Where she promptly kicks Dabi in the balls. He doubles over, staring at her as if he wants to set her on fire.

“That was for lying to me. You can read just fine.” She snarls at him.

Musc is laughing so hard his muscles are bulging. She will never say this aloud, but she is angry Hannah would give her a job that involved this creep. She is so grateful she is feeling so much better. Musc offers Dabi some root for his aching balls. He shoves it in his mouth.

Dabi makes quick work of the door despite Drury’s nagging about fire in a place that is a pile of kindling. She sneaks in, but Dabi doesn’t bother being quiet.

“It’s a library. It’s not like they have security,” he says, rolling a cigarette. Drury smacks it out of his hand and points to the books. Drury raises a finger to her lips, and they wander aimlessly through rows and floors of books.

“They do have guards. Just not mortal ones. It’s the forbidden library which is under the actual library. Fuck. Bet there is a bunch of magic things. We should have Shiggy here. This is a shit mission. How the hell are you even going to get out of here? The sewers are all riled up, and there are wanted posters of us everywhere. And look at this. We have been wandering what feels like hours. We are only on the second floor. There are five floors. We need to go down. We need a librarian,” she tells them. A jaunty tune floats over them, and Dabi looks over the rail and grins.

“Well, look at that. It’s a librarian with a couple of guards. Must be our lucky night,” Dabi says.

“What the?” Drury wonders as they all look down.

“Well, it must have been a false alarm. We get them often. The rat people try to break in to make nests with the paper,” the Librarian in the red scholar robes tells the Sacred Order guards.

“I’ll take care of them,” Muscular offers. Drury scoffs.

“You’ll kill them all. Total lack of self-control,” Drury gripes. Jumping and planting a foot on the railing, helping her leap up and over. Pulling out butcher knives as she falls. Dabi admired the pure art of Drury’s killing. The knives plant right in the skulls of the guards while her knees hit the Librarians between his shoulders, knocking the man face down with a grunt. The wind was knocked from him as she parted her legs to stand over him in her final landing.

The man twists to look at his assailant. His mouth gaped in a silent scream of terror. Drury pulled out her knives from the skulls with a horrid squelching sound. The men’s heads splatted in a growing pool of blood. The man tries to crab-walk away from the monster when he bumps into Muscular. A pyromancer dropped down behind the butcher of the outer rings.

“These guys have some nice boots. I think those will fit you, and these could fit me.” The evil she-devil said to the burnt man. A heavy hand clapped over his mouth and lifted him. Forcing him to watch as the two try on new shoes of the poor dead men. The one-eyed man holding him looked down and grinned.

“You get to live if you help us,” he said gruffly. He recognized the butcher of the outer ring immediately. But, the other two were dressed in blue as members of the Sacred Order, and it confused him.

“These are nice,” the pyromancer says to the butcher, who is giggling like an innocent girl wiggling her toes.

“Don’t scream.” the one-eyed man tells him. He nodded, and he let him go. The butcher waved to him with a pleasant smile that made his flesh crawl.

“Hello. Can you help us? We need to get into the forbidden library and get a disenchantment book, anything that has to do with Mothmen,” Drury asked politely.

“More specifically, with halving breeds,” an abrasive voice said. Drury lit up and ran to brother Spinner, who looked worse for wear, as she embraced his sewer reeking body. The Librarian saw the dragon born and understood who these people were.

“You are the league of villains,” he said aloud.

“Well, that’s rude. Drury and Shigaraki are two of the sweetest creatures on the planet. I’ll not have you besmirching them in front of me,” the pyromancer said suddenly close to his face.

“What are we going to do with Spinner here?” Musc whispered to him.

“I already told you to leave the thinking and the talking to me. Hey, bookworm. Would any of those books we mentioned have a spell or a potion for safely getting rid of an unwanted halfling? Some of the species in our group are breeding, and it’s killing the human females. The males are too willing to pay that cost, so be decent and help out some sweet women,” Dabi appeals quietly.

“Like the sweet lady that killed two innocent guards who were just doing their jobs?” The Librarian asks, being obstinate.

“You can take that up with Drury when you guide us to what we want. Here I thought you were the type of guy who understands about protecting his and his own. Like these little babies,” Dabi says, holding up a book and burning it in front of him.

“Stop! Okay. Just don’t hurt the books,” he says with a lilt of panic.

“You two! What the hell did you think you are doing kidnapping Shigaraki’s mate? He will hunt you down and rip you apart if we don’t bring her back soon,” Spinner confronted in their native tongue. The only ones that came from these rings were Mr. Compress.

“Are you two going to talk about us like we’re not here?” Drury asked.

“She was in horrible distress. I know it’s hard to tell now, but you can ask her. When we found her on patrol, she was in so much misery we couldn’t bring her back to that unstable creature who left his mate to writhe in pain. We came here to figure out a way to get both back to normal with some spell books,” Dabi justifies calmly. Spinner narrows his eyes in suspicion but nods.

“Yeah, they are going to do that. Do you think I should break a leg so he can’t run?” Musc asked Drury, who mulled it over.

“I know of the pain you speak of. But that pain doesn’t just stop suddenly. What has happened in the meantime?” Spinner asks Dabi.

“The insect people in the tunnels puked green gunk in her mouth. It was the most disgusting thing I saw down there,” Dabi says.

“Since we are here, we should try to find something that can get us out of here. Our existence is sealed, and I promised to bring back Drury quickly nearly eleven hours ago,” he responds.

“Nah, he won’t run. Otherwise, Dabi will end all this knowledge in a horrible way,” Drury said. The Librarian blanched when Drury cleaned off her knives on the dead men before putting them away, “Let's try again. Hi, I’m Drury. What do we call you?” She asks, too friendly for the rest in the room.

“You are a polite serial killer. Why? So, you can go kill my family?” He asked. Drury jerked as if he had slapped her, and Musc dug in his fingers until he almost broke his collar bone. The only thing that stopped him was Drury’s disapproving hurt look.

“Why would you say that or even think it? I was told by Hannah and Shiggy to kill any guards I saw because, and I quote, ‘You are wanted dead or alive and dead is so much easier. They will show you no mercy, so show them none.’ And ‘They knew what they signed up for. It job. If they not smart enough to stay alive it they fault.’ I am not a serial killer,” Drury huffs to go get comfort hugs from Spinner. He turned bright red and moved her to hold her hand. She sulked. Everyone looked at him with contempt.

“I used to be called a hero.” She pouted.

“All right, bookworm, now that you thoroughly pissed us all off, let’s go find those books,” Dabi says, having Musc keep a tight grip on him as he guides the way.

Shigaraki was not only bored out of his mind but pissed off at all the non-problems Hannah was trying to get him to solve. He’s not even here right now. He remembered when he told her he could screw her standing in the woods.

He had found a pinyon pine and his mate wanted to give Mary a present. She was so happy picking pin cones with him she told him she would give him a present. Shoving him against a tree and undoing the front of his pants. He loves this kinky side of her. She was eager to pump his excitement before he was ready. She made him whimper and redden pitifully.

“Wait,” he moaned. Giving up the second, she started licking him. He was weak against that kind of attention. He threw his head back and let his antennae droop to catch all the remarkable tastes, sounds, smell while she greedily swallowed and sucked his cock. He looks at the moon and thinks they should name her Luna if they ever have a girl. Those thoughts were quickly forgotten as she tried to drink all his leaky pre-cum and was choking on it.

“Give me a moment,” she had giggled. Fuck that, he thought when he seized her. Turning her around to whisper in her ear as his lower set of arms busily pulled off her pants and undergarments.

“I have four arms. Can hold and breed just like this,” he had hissed at her. She giggled while helping her get nude. He is fascinated by her soft, tender neck. He loves the smooth feel of her soft skin under his touch. Her pulse was speeding up in anticipation for him. He used his lower arms to hold her legs up under the knees spreading her wide. One hand carefully wrapped around her neck as his other arm pressed her firmly against his chest. Rubbing his ruff on her mixing their scents. His hand kneaded her perfect breast.

She had grabbed his cock and helped him in, staring in the eyes with such beautiful bliss, a moan slipped past her lips. He had to curve his hips under a bit to fit as much of himself in her tight welcoming warmth. She held onto his arm, roughly groping her chest and tweaking her nipple when he started to rut. She bounced on him with glee. A sweet smile graced her reddening cheeks.

She had reached up and entangled her fingers in his hair and ruff, forcing him to kiss her and look into her lust-filled eyes. She has the most exotic eyes to him; he could fall into them and get lost. Wings flapping to keep his balance as he thrust hard up into her. He wanted to hear those pretty little sounds she makes when he is about to make her cum on him. Panting and whining as her pussy grips at him, coaxing an intense pleasure from him.

He caressed the scar on her arm, and she gasped. Looking away from him in shame before he said his best sentence that sealed them together.

“Love flaws. Every single one, swear you are beautiful. Nothing can compare to you, not even the moon,” he panted.

“Ooooh, Shiggy,” she cried deeply when her cunt clenched on his cock. Hot, slick juices dripped down his front. Drury mewled as he continued to push himself deeper into her. He had to lean back on the tree to arch up into her. She had almost knocked him off his feet. She felt so good. He wasn’t able to get his knot in her, so his cum flowed out as he tried to push himself before it was too late.

She grits her teeth, tears streaming down as he pushes himself into her in just enough time. Her cunt crushing his knot, milking him, just made him so much closer to her. He can’t think of a time when he ever felt this close to a person. She giggled and yanked his hair harder.

“Rude! Next time warn me,” she growled at him. He wouldn’t because she should have known what was coming.

“Are you even listening? That spider monster is a real problem?” Hannah lectured, her nagging cutting through his pleasant thoughts.

“Drider. Not monster. Say right,” Shigaraki scolded. Hannah turned bright red.

“I’m sorry. I will do better. The drider wants to take Suki as his mate.”

“Still hear no problem. Lynx will be a good mate,” he says, popping more of Mary’s cooking in his mouth. He is starting to worry. Spinner should be back with his mate, but he doesn’t smell them. There is a nagging voice harsher than Hannah’s, telling him to go seek her out and protect his babies.

“The problem is consent. Suki won’t be of age until a year from now, so even if she like Lynx the same way, it is not appropriate for them,” Hannah says.

“Still no understand. Why that important? No babies for a year? Who care? Perfect. Give him Suki, secure our den for migration in year,” Shigaraki says, using his antennae in the stale air to see if he can sense his Drury. Hannah sighs. What did she expect from people who literally marry children off before they are born for things? She stops and thinks of how she can convince Shigaraki to intervene on Suki's behalf.

“It’s a human superstition. If they mate before her coming of age birthday, all the babies will suffer abnormalities. It’s tradition to woo and then mate when she is ready. It ensures a more successful coupling. If she is never ready, he must let her go,” she says cautiously. Shigaraki mulls this over.

“Finally, something that make sense. I go convince Lynx to woo and wait. It will hurt him, but he will understand,” Shigaraki says. Hannah relaxes. She will make sure Suki stays behind wherever they end up and never enters these caves again when it’s time to migrate.

“Now about the children,” She is about to discuss with him the issue of the stressed-out children when Henry and youngest burst in, running to Shigaraki, who instantly scoops them up in his four arms. He is so quick she didn’t see him move. The moment he felt the wave of emotional hormones in the air, his instincts kicked in to protect and comfort his distraught children.

His thoughts went to his mate. This would be her task in a normal hive with a female of his own species. He knew Drury would gladly take this task while he hunted for food. His instincts are conflicting in him. A part wanted him to go out and hunt to feed his brood, while another part told him to take over the female’s task while she was gone. Then there was the third part that was screaming how they are humans. He needed to stop and listen, but that voice lost out.

He quickly piled pillows and pressed the children down under him. Tenting them in his wings, his soft neck ruff fluffed over them as he purred loudly. Licking any tears he sees. Hannah sits in shock, watching as Shigaraki looks like a giant mother hen and the children just let him. Henry speaks for the youngsters since he is the oldest by a few months.

“How could you leave us? With Spinner! He’s worthless as a den daddy. We were so scared. Don’t you love us? Are we not your kids? Did we do something?” He screeched at Shigaraki, making a feeling he hadn’t had in a long time, grudge up in him. He felt guilty, but he couldn’t explain to the children that his instincts told him after implanting his mate that no, they are not his children.

His feelings twisted and churned in him so violently he couldn’t think of human words. Their emotions cling to his delicate feelers, a combination of stress, exhaustion, love, longing, missing. He can taste them, and they are bittersweet. He cooed and keened until they started to relax and drift off to sleep. Feeling safe for the first time in days. With their emotions settling, he can start to think.

He thinks a part of the problem is Hannah instilling her fear in the children. It was not healthy or good for them. He will have to talk to her about this.

Almost all were lulled to sleep except for Henry, whose little body jerked with each hitching snivel. His eyes are like Hannah's. He will not relax or let this go until Shigaraki answers him. He nuzzles the boy with a few sharp chirps before he talks.

“My babes. I protect and feed. No need to worry,” which was true. Not once did he leave his family hungry, “Too harsh on Spinner. Spinner would be good daddy.” Henry pursed his lips like his mom, the woman who was also technically his sister, and she had the gall to call them monsters.

“But he wasn’t. He always seemed not to know what to do without you. At least Drury worked hard at not working. She has never put any of her hang-ups on the rest of us, which is more than I can say for most of the adults in the den,” he says, eyeing mom. Shigaraki scolds him with a series of chitters before speaking to him in human tongue. Even though he agrees with Henry's assessment, it’s not his place to scold his mother.

“While I away, listen to den daddy. Trust family. Be leader for larva. Be brave. No talk to den mother that way. Is den daddy job. Want job, then no cry,” he admonishes. Henry nodded and teared up again.

“Never leave us again,” he cried. Clearly not wanting the job. He’s just a little boy, and it pulls at his heartstrings. He can’t leave them until they have recovered.

“I make no promise. But you are Shiggy’s babes. I take care. I protect, always,” He rasps, settling in. Henry drifts to sleep with the rest of them. Mary walks in and stops with the sweetest aw. She had brought him more food, and he wanted it. Hannah narrows her eyes and gets up to leave. Figuring nothing more really needs to be said. However, she does say something that shocks him for a change.

“I am so glad your home, Shigaraki. I want you to know despite our differences, I know you will make a good father. I just don’t want it to be right away. Mary is sure to stuff him with the good stuff that will keep him around,” she said before she left, her head down, trying to hide her embarrassed face from him.

He smirked and then felt a twang of guilt. He had not been treating his family very well. Hannah may be annoying to him, insisting on pushing her strange values on them. But she is reliable. Maybe he should tell her he got Drury pregnant. Mary starts to feed him, and he tosses the thought away as stupid. There is one thing he could do since he’s already here. He can trust Spinner and wait; he can also talk him up.

He knows Spinner wanted Drury to do it, but he doesn’t see why he can’t lay down the groundwork. He tries to think of things that would entice Drury.

“Spinner has two,” he says as she feeds him another bite. Mary smiles at him with curiosity.

“Two of what?”

“Two cocks,” he states, taking another bite. Mary’s body starts to jiggle and bounce in the way he likes. He has to look away. She is trying to contain her laughter. He is wondering what he said that was so funny. Drury would be too delighted by that information, but Squishy is laughing.

“Well, that is interesting. But what I really wonder is if he can do this?” She motions to the infant nesting he is performing. It would be too hard for him to explain he doesn’t know. In fact, if Drury wasn’t pregnant, he does not think he would be doing this. It’s only when his instincts kicked in did he have a desire to really think of them as his children.

“When Spinner is given chance, he come through,” was all he could think to say. Mary seemed to like this.

“Are they dead?” The Librarian screamed. Muscular wanting to rip off the man’s leg. Dabi is shaking Drury. Not in a million years did he think Drury would save someone. He hated it; it was ruining his plans, not to mention making him feel like shit.

“No thanks to you!” Muscular growled. Spinner blocked Drury with his body when the darts started shooting out of the wall while she grabbed Dabi and yanked him to the ground. That one motion got her hit in the wrist. She is frothing at the mouth, knocked out, while Spinner flops and writhes on the ground.

“It’s not my fault. This is why I said only step where I step! Quick give the girl water!” The Librarian shouted. Dabi moves as quick as he can. If either one of them dies, he’s running fast and far.

Chapter 4 < next chapter

[fakeloveaskblog]

(Hi, me again. I’m sorry it took so long to send anything in, I’ve been having a bad week and kept putting off writing this, sorry.)

*floats up to Rowen’s car and peeks at who’s inside*

(That’s literally all I had to write, procrastination is a pain.)

Glow Eyes

(no need to say sorry C: i get it. Everyone gets too tired to write sometimes. I get frustrated bout it like every other week. I hope next week treats you better)

Tw: drug use, vague mentions of past abuse

The car had hastily been parked at the side of the park. At first you only saw an empty drivers seat until you looked over and saw Remus sitting in the passenger seat.

There was a constant tapping sound as he bounced his feet against the dashboard. He had his arms crossed while glancing out at the nearby Streets. When he saw your big eyes staring in he jumped from surprise before quickly leaning over to roll down the window so you could come in. You hovered slightly to the left of the wheel.

“Remy better have sent you to tell me they’ve gotten stuck in a sewer gate” He muttered out while sinking lower down on the seat. It only took him grimacing and huffing for a few seconds before he exclaimed “I’ve been waiting half an hour!! 30 minutes!!! 30 ENTIRE minutes!!! I’ve got rats for brains! They should know better than to leave me without stimuli for that long!!! 5 more minutes and I’m biting at the tires!!!”

He sat up in the seat so he could look at you while ranting. His hands idly felt around for something to fidget with, eventually ending up on some straw sticking out of a starbucks cup. All while talking he twisted and pulled in the straw until it looked like a piece of barbed wire.

“Alright so there I am! In my bed! After a wonderful night of dreaming about sharks eating me alive!! I go up look around, y’know Remy slept on the couch last night- We’re still like uhm we’re taking the uhm the uh bed thing night for night yeah- But they’re up! I know! I was shocked too!! They’re like the sleepiest motherfucker on earth!! And they’re like- They’ve been in a really weird mood lately like...”

He searched for the words to describe it. He knew they would naturally be a bit neurotic right now. That he didn’t judge. It was something else.

“Whatever! Not important! So there I am! Newly awoken! Hungry! Like a naked beast in the full moon!! And suddenly Remy is like tearing at me to leave. It was like they had a train to catch! but the train was on fire! And also was gonna explode! I didn’t get to do my morning routine! Didn’t take my meds! Didn’t even get to make my daily smoothie! I was gonna try to mix mint, toothpaste and sour patch kids!!! I’m still wearing my freaking PJ pants! They just pulled me out the door!!”

There was a unusually irritated look on his face. Remus was an erratic and energetic person, not usually an angry or even sour one. You found it a bit strange.

“I don’t have a drivers license! Remy doesn’t have one! But they just had to take Ro-Ro’s pissy car!! And I went along ‘cause- They said they were stopping the car to buy a coffee and some breakfast for me and now they’ve been gone for 30 minutes!! I called them! They didn’t answer!”

Remus crossed his arms and hunched in on himself. He leant his cheek against the window and looked out onto the street. His expression stayed angry. All tense muscles and stretched together skin. But his cheeks had turned red.

“....I thought they were taking me on a date........” The back of his throat tasted like acid “That’s why I went along with their weird mood today...Maybe not a date...just...I dunno.....I thought they wanted to surprise me...show me a nice dumpster...or take me out to an art museum.....I think they only wanted me along to get the keys to the car.....”

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, dragging his fingers down his cheeks so the reds of his eyes stood out like stop signals, before sighing.

“Could you look for them? I don’t think they took their pain meds. I don’t want their bones to have like...exploded!”

You blinked your glowing on and off to say yes to which he let out a strange mix of a sigh and breathe of relief before pointing at the street Remy had walked down onto.

The clouds had turned heavy and grey. The smell of rain weighed down on the buildings around you like birds weighing down powerlines. You rounded the corner into one of those tights pathways between two buildings. Remy wasn’t there but the smell of coffee was so you continued down on it before eventually hearing their voice.

To the right, another pathway, or maybe it was just a plain alley. On the ground laid empty cans and thrown away containers scattered around. Mindlessly thrown away by passerbys in a hurry, until the trash had piled up in chunks. 

Your eyes were looking at the ground so you didn’t notice the man until he had walked right through you. Either he must have been astonishingly rude or you’d  been invisible and he’d been unable to see you. From what could be assumed you weren’t the type to be constantly invisible, even if you were a ghost, unless your subconsciously had noticed something about the man. Something....bad.

The man disappeared down some street and maybe another time you would have followed along if it wasn’t for Remy sitting leant against the alleyway’s wall. There was another stranger standing next to them. They were talking with tense familiarity.

“-The snails are everywhere man! I swear! It’s insane in his apartment right now” The man said.

Remy did a half assed shrug. It’d only been a few days since you’d last seen them and yet they looked so starkly different for such a short time. Their skin glistened from sweat and the skin around their eyes were rash red like they hadn’t slept for days. Their fingers shook, eyelids twitching, breathes hurried and inconsistent.

The stranger took out a pack of cigs and a lighter. He held it out towards them to offer one and they squinted at it.

“Is that the like brand Oswald uses?”

“Fuck should I know. Guess it is”

They pinched his cig between their fingers and put it back into the package. He let out a surprised “Rude!?”. They didn’t want Remus to recognize the smell. Didn’t want him to remember something he didn’t want to.

The man checked his phone “I gotta go. You sure you got some place to stay?” He smiled and reached out his hand to touch their cheek. Remy grimaced but didn’t move away “I know some empty couches-”

“Snail infected ones?” They snarked back.

“Well...yeah but also others man” He let go fo them and their shuttered “I’ll see you in two weeks”

“We didn’t decide shit”

He had started to walk away. He sent them a look and just restated “I’ll see you in two weeks. Don’t overdose”

The man walked right through you and you didn’t bother to look back at him. You moved a bit closer and Remy flinched as they felt your sudden warmth. They were cupping their hands around a few small plastic bags. They didn’t meet your eyes.

“I’m sorry” Was the first thing they said “Those were like- I didn’t know what to do- I knew some of like Oswald’s like dealer friends- I don’t wanna see him. I like I did extra like ask so he wasn’t coming okay. I made sure of it. I just texted the other dealers. I’m not gonna let him even look at Remus ever again. I just feel like so fucking sick and I keep seeing Viv everywhere and I’m losing my mind and everything else about me is disappearing as well and I haven’t been able to like eat anything ‘cause I can’t keep anything down! And Oswald won’t stop texting me! I don’t wanna read it! I haven’t replied I swear! I wouldn’t like I wouldn’t do that to Remus! But I can’t block him! My fingers won’t move to do it! I- I whatever! I’m just a whiny bitch! Don’t look at me like that!”

You were looking at them in the exact same way you usually did. Their fingers twitched as they scrambled to open one of the small bags. They glared at you.

“Could you like...turn around. give a girl some fucking privacy”

You did. You didn’t turn back around until you heard them fall to the ground as soon as they’d tried to stand up. There was powder left around their nostril, probably xanax. They waved off your help and started walking back to where the car was.

Slowly their breathing seemed to ebb out into a relaxed pace, actually a bit too relaxed, too slow. Their eyelids were half closed and the sweat had started to fall away.

Remus opened the car door as soon as he saw them “Did a giant sewage monster climb up from the shadows and attack you” He exclaimed “An inner city coyote with rabies? One mean ass Santa?”

“I got lost” Remy mumbled back as they sat down in the driver’s seat. Their eyes darted around the car “You got any like water in here? Or like liquid? Liquid...wow...that’s a weird fucking word”

He stared at them like he’d just seen a squirrel bite through their brain “You told me you were going to get coffee dude! Shouldn’t you be the one with liquid”

“I did...Yeah uh sorry gal like the coffee shop was like tots closed ‘cause of like........moldy beans and like the food shop was also closed...mold....real dangerous girlie. Sorry”

They turned the key and started the car while randomly pressing down onto the pedal making the car bump forward a little.

“So where you wanna like go-”

“Do you think I’m stupid” Remus interrupted.

“Of course not! I love your brain! It’s a beautiful bloody brain! You know like a bunch of shit”

“Why’re you treating me like I got my brain in my ass then! Are you okay?”

Remy pressed their hands against the car wheel and gulped “Of course girl. I’m newly single, getting like tooots that post break up glow for real. I’m better than ever!”

“You know I’ve been to rehab and last time I checked my eyes hadn’t been pecked out by birds. Remy I am not blind-”

“It’s fine”

Remus looked at them while they continued to stare out through the front window “.....If you say so, I’ll believe you. ‘Cause you’re my friend and frankly I got no other options. I want to trust you”

“I’m all good thanks” They bit out.

“.....Okay...Okay..if you say so”

They moved the wheel and the car started to move in jumpy bursts of engine power. It swayer back and forth over the road as Remy drove. They’d played mario kart a few times and Virgil had let them try out his car every now and then, even if that was just across a parking lot.

They looked over to their friend who was still sitting with his arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed together. They made a sudden swerve into another street and made the car go faster. Remus yelped a bit and tensed, still grimacing.

Remy had thought he'd like the adventure of driving dangerously. They parsed their lips to say so but the words died on their tongue.

"RED LIGHT!" Remus yelled, eyes suddenly wide and every single muscle in his body tensed.

The car was already halfway over the line when Remy kicked their foot down onto the brake making the car make such a sudden stop both of them got knocked forward.

A truck followed by several cars drove past them. Remy stared out at them as laughter started to trickled up from their throat. Their fingertips felt fuzzy as they turned to their friend and moved their hand to playfully bump his arm.

Remus flinched away from their touch. He was pressing himself against the car door to be as far away as he could. His legs were pressed together so hard his thighs shook from tension.

For a moment he looked at them with foggy eyes, as if he was seeing someone else. before he blinked it away and simply looked away from them again.

The light turned green. Remy drove down the street, their eyes started to go blurry so they squinted to see. Randomly going down off shot roads until they saw a truck stop, one of those with a little shop connected to it. In this case a 7/11.

Remy parked the car crookedly across two parking spaces. They wordlessly got out of the car. Remus didn’t even have time to ask where they were going. He sat up in his seat and got worried they weren’t going to come back.

It took a few minutes before Remy suddenly opened the car door again and leaned into the car, their hand against the seat and their other hand holding out a glass bottle to Remus.

“I’m sorry” Remy said “My fav snotball I’ve been like tots a jerk all day. Wanna smash some shit? Like this bottle? It’s good to get anger out right?- You don’t gotta forgive me or nothing and you get to feel what you feel. I just don’t wanna just like leave while we’re both feeling like shit”

“I’m not angry” Remus muttered back.

“I won’t be mad if you’re angry. Like girlie I- Y’know Viv would like accuse me of calling him like abusive and stuff if I ever seemed even annoyed. I get it. Anger isn’t bad I think. Probably. Your anger couldn’t be bad”

Remus glanced at them. He did an extra pout which made Remy chuckle before he let up into a small smile as he took the bottle.

“I found some more like behind the store” Remy said. Remus followed closely behind them. Their walk was stumbling and their upper body was swaying, as if they were constantly tripping over something only they could see.

The back of the store was brick wall overgrown with moss with some trashcans, pallets and broken glass. Remy made little “Whoop-Whoop” noises to hype him up.

Remus puffed up his chest and tapped his feet into the ground while moving his arms like he was about to throw a basketball. When he heard his friend, his crush, laugh his chest felt warm.

The bottle shattered against the bricks as both of them yelled in excitement. They high fived each other and Remy quickly handed him another bottle. He didn’t even hesitate about throwing it. His bottle and the bottle Remy threw hit the wall at almost the exact same time.

The glass pieces scattered down onto the concrete. Remus stomped over and jumped onto them to make them shatter even more. The crunchy sounds made him happy stim. 

He waved his hand to make Remy come over but they flinched. Flinched violently. They covered their head with their hands and made themselfs look smaller. Remus realized he was still holding a bottle, for a second it must have looked like he was throwing it.

“I’m okay!” They quickly assured “Just reflexes!”

Remus still rushed to their side “You sure?”

“Suppppper duppper sure babe” Their expression soured and their muscles stayed tensed “Actually if anything I’m feeling kinda pissed” They took the bottle from Remus “That I’ve even had to be on edge oveR FUCKING BOTTLES BEING THROWN AT ME!”

The bottle shattered against the wall. The sound of the glass mixed with Remy’s laughter.

“Augh girrrl! That felt great! You should try it”

They handed Remus a bottle and patiently waited for him to throw it. Maybe hear him rattle out some gorey idea about how his abuser’s brain would look shattered.

Instead he stared at the bottle loosely laying in his hand. Until he started to tremble and his eyes got that blurry look again. Remy did not touch him but they did lay their finger against the bottle to show they could take it.

“Hey. Hey. don’t force yourself. You don’t have to” Remy reminded.

He dropped the bottle and it shattered between their shoes.

“Anger’s not gonna be like always good for healing” They continued “I getcha I getcha. I’m just- It’s easy to get angry at a man who abused his tiny kid y’know! I got it easy! I mean I couldn’t.....I can barely even dislike Viv...Or think he’s wrong. I getcha”

“anger is so overwhelming” Remus mumbled out “It fills my entire body”

“Do you still like destroying shit?”

He nodded.

“Wanna keep doing that?”

He nodded.

“Alrighty girlie. I promise I’m gonna. I know today with the car. I’m gonna try to like not assume that you’re like able to...to like disagree. I’m gonna- I am Really gonna try to ask you beforehand like this. That sound good?”

He nodded.

“Hug?” He fluttered his eyelids a little while opening his arms.

“Course!!”

Remy melted into his embrace. The curls running down his neck tickled their nose. For that short time his smell of spoiled milk and rat piss smelled the same as heaven.

Remus smiled before noticing how they felt a bit heavier than usual. He leant back from the hug and Remy instantly fell over. He managed to hold onto them enough so they were half upright. Their legs seemed to have given out and he only now noticed just how much paler they looked.

“Oh wow” They chuckled out “I hadn’t like noticed how tired I was till I got to like calm down”

“You haven’t eaten. I haven’t eaten. Bitch we’re tearing down the 7/11 right now”

“Lead the way pissboy!”

Remus kept his arm around them as they walked into the 7/11. It was a bit awkward since the cashier stared at them with incredibly judgement as they had heard every single bottle. He sat Remy down on one of the chair’s next to the newspapers stacks and pinboard.

Right before walking away he whispered into their ear “...I do want to be able to get angry at him some day...I wanna be angry together with you....I think I’d like that...”

He went to look for coffee and breakfast, maybe just a bit of candy teeth. Remy leant their head in their hands and sighed. Everything was fuzzy and they felt like they were going to puke just at the smell of food. Though they had the urge to puke most of all so that the stomach acid would hurt their throat. Their thoughts went on about how they were hurting Remus, and everyone else for that matter, and that he would be better off without them. What if they made him relapse!!! What if they were abusive after all!! What if! What if! What if!

Remy tried to push the thoughts out and stared at the pinboard to distract themself. There was a flyer on the pinboard for the spring opening of the local art-park and another for a karaoke night at the gay bar. It was like a tiny and very tired little lamp lit up above Remy’s head.

“...Do you think Remus would still wanna hang out with me?” They looked around for you and relaxed a little when you appeared next to them “I dunno...maybe I could ask Janus along as well? I don’t know if they would like the art stuff or the like bar more? I really...I really don’t wanna mess this up with him....I like him....I really really like him” They squeezed their eyes shut “Ugh my head hurts”

[amydancepants-peralta]

Amy getting a little distracted and planting light pecks up Jake’s back before reapplying his suncream

“Wow, it’s actually really nice to be out under the sun, hey babe?” Squinting behind his sunglasses, Jake brushes a clump of sand from his left leg, grinning as Amy punctuates her mmm-hmm with a kiss to his upper shoulder.

It really was the perfect day. After weeks of back-to-back shifts, the couple had stolen away for a long weekend, disappearing to a beach just far enough from Brooklyn to avoid any ‘accidental’ Boyle run-ins. With their seaside villa just a stones throw away, and the warm sand beneath them, he and Amy had everything they needed to have a moment of peace before Baby Peralta arrived.

Jake’s smile grows as he watches the family in front of him introduce their floatie-covered toddler to the ocean, and turns slightly to glance at Amy behind him. “Crazy to think that this time next year, that will be us out there.”

With her legs resting comfortably on either side of his own, Amy’s face was just out of reach for Jake’s eye line, and he hears another hmm as he turns his attention back to the shoreline.

Her delicate hands sweep along his lower back, applying the only sunscreen she’ll allow them to buy - peer reviewed and lauded, as per subsection seven of the Babymoon Binder - and presses another kiss to Jake’s back as his right hand comes to rest on her lower calf.

“Imagine if we ended up with a little surfer dude for a baby, Ames. Riding the waves like Crush from Nemo … being all gnarly and whatnot.”

Amy’s hands stay on Jake’s lower back, their movements slowly down slightly as she kisses his shoulder once again, and when she hums against his skin, Jake decides to have some fun with his clearly distracted wife.

(She’d been quiet earlier today, a self-conscious look washing over her face when she’d studied her reflection in the brand new maternity swimsuit. But a few well-timed Babewatch jokes from Jake - peppered with kisses on all of the tiny flowers in the pattern - thankfully seems to have held her uneasy thoughts at bay.)

“Then again, he could turn out to be an actual turtle, which would be totally fine because then we’d only need three more to make a full quartet of crime-fighters. And … you know, the inside of that cake was technically green, so …”

Amy’s fingers trace either side of Jake’s waist, slinking around to join at his front as she leaves two more kisses at the base of his neck. She shuffles forward on the blanket, closing the distance between her front and his back, and rests her forehead against Jake’s shoulder as she kisses him one more time with a contented sigh. Now it is a perfect day, he thinks with a smile.

“I’m taking your silence as total agreement Ames, so it’s settled. Ninja Turtles: Peralta edition, coming to a sewer near you.”

As the word sewer filters through the kiss-based haze, Amy’s hands still, her lips temporarily frozen against Jake’s shoulder blade while the rest of his sentence sinks in. “Jake … we are not raising our son in the sewers of Brooklyn.”

“Just think of the possibilities, babe! We could have a whole other team working to fight crime with us. Not to mention the unimaginable benefit of gleaming some of Splinter’s wisdom.”

“See, you say Splinter, but I’m hearing rat. It’s going to be a no from me, babe.”

“Ugh, it’s like a knife to my heart!” Jake responds (not at all dramatically, thank you very much), twisting in place to see Amy’s expression and digging his elbow into the sand. Her perplexed expression, clear even through her sunglasses and wide-brimmed hat, coaxes the chuckles that had been bubbling in his chest to the surface, and his free hand comes to rest on her outer thigh. “Obviously I’m kidding, Ames.”

Her hand reaches out to press a gentle slap against Jake’s bare chest, and he catches her wrist before it can sneak away. “Ugh. It’s hard to know when it comes to you and those darn turtles.”

Lifting Amy’s palm up towards his mouth, Jake presses a series of tiny kisses against her skin, smiling as it gravitates to it’s favourite position against his cheek when he finishes. “I mean, if you wanted to live in the sewer, babe, you know I’d be right there with you. You’d have that place clean in a week. But you were obviously not listening, and I was kinda curious how far I could push things before you’d realise.”

Nodding with a guilty chuckle, Amy looks up at the family playing in the ocean not so far away before leaning slightly towards her husband. “I guess you could say I was a little distracted?”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jake winks, gesturing with a nod of his head. “I’d offer you more, but I literally found a penny in the sand before. It’s all yours if you want it.”

“Well … ” as Amy’s teeth sink into her lower lip, her hand sidles slowly down to the expanse of Jake’s chest, toying gently with the small patch of chest hair she finds there. “I was sort of thinking about the beach, and how it’s great, but will still be here later. You know, if we wanted to … do something else.”

“Wait. You don’t wanna hang out on the beach?”

“No, I do! It’s just … this is one of the first times in months that I haven’t needed to barf before lunch. And there’s a ridiculously large four-poster bed waiting for us back at the villa, because my super sweet husband arranged a getaway for us, and he just so happens to be looking very hot right now in those board shorts and … ” Amy trails off as Jake pushes his body away from the sand, closing the gap between them to press a soft, we’re-on-vacation-so-I’m-going-to-take-my-time kiss to her lips.

Jake’s smile feels brighter than the sun by the time he pulls away, and he plants his feet into the sand as he rises, reaching out both hands to help his wife up. Amy’s second trimester had definitely released extra batches of horniness into her system, and he’s never been more happy to serve her every need. “I can always count on you to come up with a brilliant plan, Ames. Just one of the bajillion reasons why I love you.”

“I love you too. And the beach can totally wait, right?”

“Oh, the beach can definitely wait.”

[rottingflovver]

Random relationship headcanons for the Decay of Angels boys!!

I love my evil husbands, enjoy this trainwreck

Fyodor Dostoevsky 🐁

Oh God. He smells like…a sewer rat

I'm not even joking like he probably smells unpleasant (not to the point where it's noticeable tho, only if you're really close to him)

If he's feeling fancy he'll throw on some cologne but don't bet on it

Hair is also really greasy

He scarcely eats but he's a big fan of sweet food (think ice cream and baked stuff) and trad. Russian food

Please for the love of God force this man to eat

He'll forget to eat + drink on a daily basis because he gets so caught up in work, how is he even still alive

Did I mention he also doesn't sleep

HOW is he canonically one of the smartest people yet he does stuff like this fr

If he trusts you (Lord knows how you'll achieve that) and he's tired (as per usual) he won't be opposed to the thought of just downright collapsing onto you

You'll rarely see this man anyhow, but when you do he'll just be sleeping

What a great boyfriend am I right (It's okay he needs the rest, plus patting his hair as he sleeps is kinda nice)

I believe his favorite places to have dates at are his or your apartment

Away from the public eye; just the two of you, alone

He can play his cello for you!

He'd encourage you to try it out as well, but you'd be so terror stricken by the thought of what he'd do to you if you broke it somehow that you just...would rather pass

I doubt he'd ever actually hurt you tho; yes, he's extremely distrustful and arguably heartless, but if you haven't done anything to insinuate you want to betray him…he'll be tame

Also, did I MENTION how cold he is

Maybe that's why he wears winter clothes in such warm weather ㅡ cuz otherwise he'd just freeze to death

Warm him up pls

Although he's not used to just casual physical contact so when you start holding his hands to warm them up he'll look at you like "??? Do you want to die??"

Once you explain it to him he's like "Oh"

His giant ego won't let him express it but know that he appreciates it

Also, this is a given, but Fyodor is extremely manipulative so you'll never really be sure if his feelings are sincere or not

Nikolai Gogol 🤡

I had to Google "what do clowns smell like" for this aye-

The answer: apparently cabbages and cotton candy

I really like that idea so I'm sticking with it xhsjhx, Nikolai smells like either cabbages or cotton candy; no in-between

Loves piroshki!!! Any kind!!! For reference; piroshki are small boat-shaped buns which can be both sweet and savory, as it depends on the filling (most common fillings include: ground meat, mashed potato, mushrooms, boiled egg with scallions, or cabbage. Typical sweet fillings are fruit (apple, cherry, apricot, lemon), jam, or quark)

Why did I just give a small piroshki lesson

Anyhow, yes, that's his favorite food so pls buy a lot of them for him (if you make them yourself he'll be so deeply touched, but be careful, he tends to see positive emotions towards someone as brainwashing)

Is he a bad cook??? Is he a good cook??? Does he just simply steal everything via coat and make it seem like he's the one that made it?? We don't know

His favorite places to have dates at are carnivals or theaters

He loves theaters so much omg

I have a feeling that if you told him he'd make a great actor he'd just evaporate out of joy

And he WOULD make a great one tho?? This man got talent

I'd imagine you're pretty much the only person he would ever open up to regarding the insane amount of guilt he feels

(Yet again, be careful, he's very unpredictable when it comes to people he grows fond of)

Do comfort him if he ever breaks down tho, please

Sleeping together? With this man? It's a wild experience

He moves around so much

He's also prone to night terrors (like I said, insane amounts of guilt) so if he ever stops moving you should probably wake him up, cuz that's a nightmare so horrible he just froze in place

Give him hug

Sigma 🎲

Sigma smells nice no cap

It's a mix of lavender and mint

Don't ask how that works it just does

I think he'd be the type to like any kind of food as long as it's lovingly made

He has no standards but at the same time he has extremely strict standards y'know

There's nothing specific he likes but if he likes it then he Likes It

He gets called a rock musician and people say he looks "alternative" when he's literally walking around in a suit but I digress

He'd let you do his makeup

I'd say he'd even encourage it

(Give him a punk rock alternative makeover lmao)

Also, to no one's surprise, his favorite place to have dates at is the Sky Casino

It's his home! He's proud of it!!

Please be proud of him as well it would mean the world to him

He's so cheesy, he'll stay stuff like "I feel most at peace with you, you are my home", and then get super embarrassed

If you smile fondly at him and say you like him just the way he is, cheesy remarks and all, you will be charged with murder because this man will DIE

He's so confused when it comes to a lot of stuff

Like he once asked "is interesting an emotion" and NO ONE answered him (poor bb :() but like be prepared for a lot of questions like that

Take your time and explain it to him, he'll be so grateful

Ngl, out of these 3, he's the best option bc he's not unreachable (cough cough Fyodor) and doesn't strive for emotional freedom so much that he'd kill whoever he grows attached to (cough cough Nikolai)

Soft husband

A little bit clingy but can you really blame him

Just be there for him, it'll be alright

Ivan Goncharov (bonus!) 🤕

He's in the Rat House not the DOA but I wanted to include him

(We stan Ivan in this house)

He's completely devoted to Fyodor

Idk how you'd ever even strike a conversation with him given he's constantly by the rat man's side

I'd imagine you'd have to be either a past friend (which I doubt he'd welcome) or an underling of Fyodor as well

Either way, please be kind to him

I think his devotion to Fyodor is a LITTLE bit unhealthy so if possible just draaag him away from that (will be very difficult to do)

He smells nice, like an expensive brand of shampoo and conditioner

I'd imagine his hair is really soft too, he'll gladly let you play with it

Braid it!! He'll look so pretty!!

BE GENTLE with the wound on his head, Fyodor isn't a professional surgeon, so even though the incision itself was a success he didn't really patch it up correctly

Just be gentle with it, if possible, take him to the hospital to get it checked out

He loves classical music!!

Expect to hear that playing in the background a lot

If you start helping him with the chores (like making tea and cleaning) at first he'll think of it as an insult to his ability, but after a while it'll grow on him

He'll learn to appreciate the little things

If you have any kind of favorite dish; he'll be frequently making just that

Likewise, if you ever request for something different, you'll get it made perfectly, just for you

A good, happy boye, deserves better

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Three: If We Have Each Other.

~When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine. I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand. You should know I'll be there for you. I will always be there for you~

"Dude, we are in some serious jelly," I proclaimed as I paced around the small perimeter of the tree house.

"And that jam!" Isaac added from where he remained sitting at the table.

"Tight spot."

"Indeed!"

"Up a tree!" I supplied.

"Lost in the grass!" He offered. I swung around, shaking my finger at him.

"I'll tell ya what's grass, our- AAH FRACKLES!"  I had stepped on a stray nail in one of the floorboards. Hobbling my way back into my chair, I thunked my head against the table.

"But look at the bright side." Isaac leaned back in his chair. "Seeing as how our grand-theft-hairbrush is going viral and all, there is still a chance that me flipping the camera off could become a meme!" He pointed out. Slowly, I raised my head to stare at him.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Consider it, Marty! All it took was five years being dead and now I'm finally fulfilling my life-long dream! If I'd known it was this easy, I would have killed myself a long time ago and spared me all that drama and emotional damage," Isaac smirked. I shook my head, my gaze drifted back to the Vader figure and snow globe sitting side-by-side on the shelf.

"Please don't talk like that Isaac," I sighed. Isaac's face fell.

"Sorry, I-I wasn't thinking," He apologized. I nodded.

"It's okay." It wasn't, but what more could be said when you didn't want to speak?

"Hey," Isaac spoke softly, ducking his head to get me to look at him, "Even if things go sour, I'm gonna be here for you. Just like I promised. Through thick and thin, remember?"

"Through thick and thin."

Smiling weakly, I repeated our life long mantra. I took a deep breath and focused back in on the problem.

"Alright, man. We gotta figure out a game plan. That video is gonna bring every hunter and their mom up here to ice our, or my, gluteus maximus. And if they know about the minimart then they know about the hospital. So, what's our play?"

"Well, I say you use your Sweet-Talkin' thing and talk any o'those alcoholic weirdos out of it," Isaac suggested. I shook my head.

"Isaac, you know how much I hate doing that."

Although it was a tempting idea, that wasn't something I wanted to mess with. If you start playing with the dark things, the dark things start playing with you. That wasn't a concept I liked, but Isaac would never understand that.

"I'm just saying it’s an option! And an easy one at that," Isaac pushed. I glared at him.

"I'm not doing that."

"It might come to it, Marty. I'm just saying as a plan C it-"

"The answer is no! Moving on." My tone killed and buried the subject. Isaac raised his hands in surrender.

"Fine. But misinformation is still our strongest tool. We should use it. Tell anybody who asks that it was all done on a computer," He conceded.

"Alright, that's plan A. What's plan B?"  Isaac's face twisted in thought. I let him do any and all planning when it came to telling a lie because he was so much better at making it convincing than I was. Isaac was the king of spouting believable bull crap. In fact, he would have made and excellent demon. That guy could probably get an angel to sell its soul for a box of holy doughnuts. When the idea hit Isaac's brain, I could almost see a light bulb light up above his head. He leaned forward, exited.

"Okay, I got it. We make up some BS story about a gay black dude who got chopped up by the ferry or something and the hospital wouldn't help him because all the doctors were racist homophobes, and it was the 50's." He nodded at me very seriously. Like I said, Isaac was king.

"That's is the worst, most ridiculous and stupid story I have ever heard," I told him. Isaac's nodding grew more excited. "It's perfect. They'll buy every word. Just one thing though, what about the mini-mart?" I pointed out.

Isaac opened his mouth before closing it again. Then he opened it. Then he closed it. Open. Closed. Open. Closed. This happened several more times before he finally came up with something good.

"So, our gay black guy was also a nice hobo dude and after he died he started stealing crap to give to his hobo buddies." Isaac gave me a thumbs up. I nodded.

"Okay, sounds good, sounds good. How do we explain me?" I splayed my hands. Isaac huffed and rolled his eyes, leaning back again and tucking his hands behind his head.

"Well, that’s easy. The camera never even caught a glimpse of your face, so you're his anonymous theft buddy slash item distributer!" He explained. I grinned at my fantastic phantasmal co-conspirator.

"Excellent, and of course nobody knows who the thief is. Especially not, innocent little me!" I chuckled at his brilliance.

"Exactly!" Isaac smirked.

"It's perfect! Except one last thing. We're gonna need some eyes and ears in on this. Someone to alert us when someone fishy comes lurking about," I said. Isaac nodded seriously.

"You're right. But who can we trust around here?" He asked. I could feel the smile split across my face.

"I can think of only one man for this job. A man as trustworthy as he is slimy. A man scrubbed clean by his own filth. A man so wonderful, words do him no justice!" I declared dramatically. Isaac was confused for a moment before realization dawned. His face fell.

"Please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking."

"I think I am." I grinned. Isaac just sighed.

"Marty, no."

"Marty, yes!"

- 45 minutes later-

"Yo! Danny, my man! How's life?" I called out. Dan-the-Dope-Man looked up from...whatever it was he was doing outside Copper Harbor's one and only pharmacy. The pharmacy which he, in fact, owned. Honestly, I didn't want to know exactly what he had been doing behind the pile of cardboard boxes that were stacked up against the moldy brick. I figured it was better if I didn't. Dan smiled a grin that was missing two teeth.

"Marty! My worst customer and only friend! Life's good!" He greeted me, kicking a few of the boxes over to hide whatever suspicious activity it was that he had been up to. He winked and walked over to me, pushing his absolutely disgusting blond hair out of his face. "But, you know, business is betta'," He concluded.

I could never tell how tall Dan was, in this form especially. See, Dan-the-Dope-Man was a shapeshifter, though of course, no one else in the town knew that. That's how he was the owner of the pharmacy as well as a drug dealer. His other form, Jonathan De’ Santos, was the tall, 40-year-old, honest-looking Hawaiian man that ran the pharmacy. In this form, however, Dan was a somewhere-in-the-upper-five-foot-range Caucasian guy from Brooklyn with a thing against bathing. He said that the grungy, sewer-rat look was better for his side business. I wasn't sure how much of that I bought, but then again, who's gonna buy drugs from the guy who's supposed to make sure you don't destroy yourself with them.

"I bet it is!" I said, taking a step back when he reached me because, like I said, the guy had a thing against hygiene.

"This is a terrible, terrible idea," Isaac muttered, leaning on the wall to my left. I couldn't reply to him because although Dan knew what I was he didn't know about Isaac. So all I could do was give him a rude gesture behind my back. He saw it and stuck his tongue out at me.

"What can I do fo' ya, Marty?" Dan always pronounced my name as 'Mawty' at least in this form as it had a Brooklyn accent.

"Well, o' Danny boy, I have some rather bad news to deliver," I continued, "There might be some hunters coming to town soon."

Dan frowned; his eyes narrowed at me as he folded his arms over his chest.

"Well, that ain't good. Whatt'id ya do, Marty?" He asked. Sometimes Dan could be like my older brother, even if he didn't realize it.

"Woah, woah, woah! Who said I did anything?!" I defended. Dan just raised an eyebrow.

"You're always showin' off and ya know it," He said simply.

"He's right, you know," Isaac interjected. I wished I could tell him to shut his eidolic cake hole. It wouldn't have made much of a difference if I could, as he would still have continued talking, but the principle remained the same. Isaac was annoying. He needed to shut his mouth now and again. But I couldn't say that right now because he was a flipping ghost and ghosts are invisible. Mostly.

Ignoring Isaac, I opened my mouth to try to argue with Dan but quickly closed it again when found that I couldn't, because he was absolutely right. Now, I couldn’t admit that to him because Isaac was right here and that would be saying that he was right about something, and that was a thing I would never hear the end of.

"In regards," I started again.

"You'd just say 'regardless'," Isaac chimed in. I had to physically bite my tongue to keep from screaming at him to shut up.

"Regardless," I corrected. Isaac chuckled. I really needed to get myself some iron gauntlets or something so I could give his apparitional arse an involuntary appendectomy. Or just an iron ring so I could punch him in the face.

"Regardless, it wasn't me. This time. It was some attention seeking moron with a computer. That combined with my little hospital trips and you get something fishy looking." I finally managed to finish my sentence without Isaac chiming in.

"Well then ya betta' keep ya head down, Marty. I don' wan' ya gettin hurt." A dark look crossed over Dan's usually upbeat face. "Or worse," He finished.

"I know Danny, which is why I need you to do something for me," I said. Isaac sighed and face palmed but I ignored it.

"What?" Dan asked.

"I need you to watch out for any newcomers asking weird questions. I've got a plan if any hunters get too close to us, I just need to know who and where they are," I told him.

See, the pharmacy, the mini-mart, the bar, and the barber shop all sat across from each other at a four way intersection. Thus, Dan would have an excellent view of any hunter's first two targets. The origin of the supernatural activity, in this case the mini-mart, and the bar. He would be the perfect spy. Dan looked at me strangely.

"Say, Marty, you ain't plannin' on gankin' any a' dose' suckas' now are ya?" He asked, caution evident in his voice. I sighed, shaking my head internally. This was just another downside of being what I was. Everybody thinks you're a murderer. Though I knew I was far from innocent, I had never killed anyone. At least, anyone who didn't deserve it.

"Come on, Danny. In all the time you've known me, have I ever, er, ganked anyone?" I asked him, spreading my hands as if to catch the obvious answer.

"Well, no. But people can change," Dan pointed out. I rolled my eyes.

"Dan, I'm not gonna kill anyone. There, ya happy?" I said, only mildly aggravated. Isaac decided it was time to speak up again.

"You may not. But I will. If it comes to that. I won't let anybody hurt you, Marty. Not again. Not when I can do something about it."

I knew he was saying this now so I wouldn't be able to argue with him. Then I would forget and if he did kill someone Isaac would say he'd said he would. I ground my teeth together and reminded myself that it wasn't going to come to that. I wouldn't let it.

Meanwhile, Dan thought about what I'd spoken aloud.

"Yeah okay, but if anybody comes sniffin' I'm skippin', kay?" He agreed. I nodded.

"Okay, take care of yourself, Danny."

"You too, Marty." I smiled at him and began to walk away. Isaac pushed himself off the wall and trudged behind me, complaining loudly.

"Make sure you take care of yourself too, Issac! I'd hate myself if anything happened to you, Isaac! I wouldn't be able to survive without you, Isaac! Thanks Marty, your friendship means everything to me!" He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Ugh! Why do I even bother?"

I smirked giving him the sign for 'I love you' behind my back.

"Aw shut up!"

But I knew he was smiling.

~So, I'm thankful for my sister even though sometimes we fight When high school wasn't easy, she's the reason I survived. I know she'd never leave me and I hate to see her cry. I just wanna tell her that I'm always by her side. I just wanna tell her that...

The worlds not perfect, but it’s not that bad. If we've got each other and that’s all we have I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you When the world's not perfect When the world's not kind If we have each other then we'll both be fine I will be your brother and I'll hold your hand You should know I'll be there for you.

I will always be there for you.~

Lyrics from: If We Have Each Other by Alec Benjamin

[max-is-tired]

number eleven with the sentence starters dukeceit because tbh we dont give those two enough love. (dont worry ill probably send in a dukexiety one too i gotta love All Of Them)

11-“Can you pretend to be my date so my parents will shut up?”

Ships: Dukeceit, Romile (background)

Characters: Deceit Sanders (called Ethan), Remus Sanders, Roman Sanders (mentioned), Emile Picani (mentioned)

Words: 1.508

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit, sympathetic Remus, just a hint of angst but it’s resolved immediately, kissing

Notes: man I really love writing these two nckjnsjkcn also this fic made me ship Romile, I was not expecting to love this ship as much as I now do but oh my god they make my heart go soft-

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!  AO3!!

“Can you pretend to be my date so my parents will shut up?”

Ethan blinked, looking at Remus in confusion as he slowly lowered his cup back on the table.

“What?”

Remus groaned, looking up at him from where he was holding his head in his hands.

“Now that Roman has found a boyfriend my parents keep not so subtly asking when I’m finally gonna bring someone home, so I need you to pretend to be my partner during Thanksgiving break to get them off my back. Please? You’re literally the only one I can ask who is also free during that week.”

Ethan fought down a wince at Remus’ words -it wasn’t a secret that he wasn’t exactly on good terms with his family, but having it so blatantly pointed out to him still wasn’t pleasant.

“Sorry,” Remus sighed, “but still, please? I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll even stop stealing your deodorant if you ask me to.”

“Well, how can I say no to that,” Ethan rolled his eyes, sarcasm dripping from his words. Then, he turned to look at Remus, and immediately realized his mistake.

Remus had brought out the puppy dog eyes, and if there was one thing Ethan couldn’t resist it was the way the other pushed his lip forward and looked at him all wide-eyed and pleading. God, why did he ever believe anything good would ever come out of Remus’ friendship with Patton?

Ethan sighed, sagging on his seat as he sent his friend a half-hearted glare.

“Oh, alright you sewer rat,” he finally agreed, looking everything but pleased. “But you owe me big time, you hear me?”

“Hell yeah, thank you so much, E!” Remus cheered, jumping up from his seat to throw his arms around his friend. “I knew I could count on you!”

Ethan grumbled something under his breath, turning his head to the side to hide the faint blush on his cheeks.

An entire week pretending to be his crush’s boyfriend without outing their scheme or losing his mind? Oh yeah, he could totally do that.

(Spoiler alert: he very much could not, and lying to himself was not going to change the reality of his situation anytime soon.)

+++

Surprisingly enough, Ethan managed to survive most of the week without letting his gigantic crush on Remus compromise their ruse. It helped that the entire family seemed to focus more on the other couple present, with Roman and Emile being all sweet and romantic at any chance available and making what felt like the entire house aw in delight.

Ethan was pretty sure he was going to get cavities by the end of the week because of them, but at least he didn’t have all that attention focused on him.

The Incident went down on the Friday after Thanksgiving, with everyone chilling around the house and half-heartedly munching on leftovers after spending an entire day eating enormous quantities of food. Ethan had to give it to them -if there was one thing the Grimm family excelled at, it was cooking.

Remus and Ethan had been chilling on the floor in front of the couch when everything started.

Roman, who had been sitting just a few feet away from them, had suddenly perked up as the firsts note of “Can’t help falling in love” flowed out of the speakers, grinning from ear to ear as he jumped on his feet. He reached up to gently grab Emile’s arm, pulling his boyfriend up with him in a flurry of giggles before guiding him in a slow dance around the living room.

Ethan watched them with an amused smile, noticing how Roman was murmuring the lyrics just for Emile to ear as they dance around with equal, smitten smiles on their face. If Ethan were a little more childish, he would have probably gagged at the sight. As it was, he knew he could count on his dear (fake) boyfriend to properly express their feelings, fighting down a chuckle as Remus fake-gagged to his heart’s content.

“Remus, hush,” his mother called from the couch, a smile on her face as she looked fondly at the dancing couple.

“You should invite your boyfriend to dance too!” Ryan -Remus and Roman’s little cousin- piped up, grinning innocently at them from where he was playing on his switch.

Ethan stiffened just slightly, feeling a twinge of panic come to life in his chest -dancing with Remus to such a romantic song? He was pretty sure he would end up doing something very stupid like act on his feelings, and he was not quite ready to face the following rejection just yet.

“Ry, I’m pretty sure Roman might kill me if I were to steal his spotlight right now,” Remus shot back, using the arm he had around Ethan’s shoulder to give him a reassuring squeeze.

Ethan felt his heart skip a beat at the small gesture, once again melting inside at the way Remus did everything in his power to keep him from anything that could make him uncomfortable.

“You still want to, though!” Ryan snickered.

“Never said I didn’t,” Remus answered, rolling his eyes at his cousin’s attempts to embarrass him.

Ethan knew it was all fake. He knew Remus was just playing the part, that there was no truth in his words. And yet, he couldn’t stop the way his heart fluttered at the other’s words, eyes widening just slightly as he looked up on instinct.

Big, big mistake.

Remus stared back, blinking down at Ethan in surprise. Their faces were barely inches apart, mismatched eyes drowning in green as Ethan’s heartbeat thundered in his chest. He couldn’t help the way his eyes flickered briefly to Remus’ lips, their breaths intermingling with how close they were.

God, he really wanted to kiss Remus. All he needed was to lean up just a little bit, to erase those few inches left and get it over with.

“Ew, are you two gonna kiss??”

Ethan reeled back, almost falling with his back to the ground with the force of the sudden movement. Remus looked at him in confusion and something else shining in his eyes, making Ethan’s heart do somersaults in his chest as his mind reeled with a thousand thoughts.

“I need-” he choked out, ignoring the sudden worry in his friend’s gaze as he stumbled to his feet. “Sorry, I think I need some air.”

And he walked out of the room, barely keeping himself from running towards the back porch until he was out of sight.

God, he should have never agreed to this.

+++

Ethan didn’t turn around as he heard the door that led to the back porch slide open, keeping his eyes fixed forward while hugging his knees closer to his chest.

“Can I ask you something?” Remus asked, sitting down beside him.

“You already did,” Ethan muttered in response, not quite able to stop the twitch of his lips as Remus’ laughter filled the air. Damn him and his hopeless crush.

“No but seriously, can I?”

Ethan sighed, shrugging. “Yeah, I guess you can.”

“Were you going to kiss me, back there?”

Ethan stiffened, still refusing to look at Remus as he picked at the hem of his pants.

“I…” he started, searching for the right words. On one side, he could deny everything, blame it on wanting to keep up with their ruse until he could maybe convince himself of it too. But on the other hand… he was getting tired of lying.

“I didn’t want our first kiss to be a lie,” he finally whispered, low enough Remus had to strain his ears to catch it.

Silence filled the air, stretching on for the longest seconds of Ethan’s life. And then, Remus chuckled.

“And what if it wasn’t?” he asked, making Ethan’s head snap up and whip around to look at him.

“What…?”

“Honestly E, you should be the one with the braincell between us!” Remus grinned, eyes twinkling under the setting sun in a way that made Ethan’s heart stutter in his chest. “Man, and here I thought I was being too obvious!”

Ethan’s mind was reeling, trying to get his head around the meaning of Remus’ words.

“But- You-” he tried, waving his hands around in frustration as he tried to formulate a coherent sentence.

Remus chuckled, reaching out with one hand to cup the other’s cheek. “Can I kiss you, E?”

Ethan froze, words dying in his throat as he processed the question. Then, he nodded, cheeks flaming red as he subtly leaned into the contact.

And then they were kissing, soft and sweet as the sun slowly fell over the horizon just in front of them. Ethan clutched at Remus’ shirt, sighing through his nose as he melted in Remus’ arms.

“So,” Remus murmured once he drew back, grinning from ear to ear, “ready to head back in, boyfriend?”

Ethan hummed in thought, suddenly leaning forward to steal another quick kiss before pulling back with a smirk.

“Why, boyfriend, I believe I am.”